You Know You're a Mother when...

 	You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they
 	are equal
 	You plot to get even with the kid who broke your child's toy and 
	made him cry
 	You can remove chewing gum from just about anything
 	You hide in the bathroom to be alone
 	Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you can keep eating
 	You believe finger paints should be a controlled substance
 	You read "Once Upon A Potty" out loud in a crowded waiting room
 	You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child 
 	You tell your child that TOYS R US is a toy museum, not a store
 	You find yourself cutting all sandwiches into unusual shapes
 	You fast-forward the VCR through the scene where Bambi's mother gets 
 	You become a member of three aquariums because your kid loves sharks
 	You obssess when your child clings to you during the first week of 
	You obsess again as they skip away without looking back the second 
 	You can't bear to give away baby clothes
 	You hear your mom's voice coming out of your mouth: "Not in your good 
 	You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you
 	You donate to charity in the hope that your child won't get that 
 	You read a 5-year-old asks 437 questions a day. You feel your kid is 
	above average
 	You hire a sitter; go out with hubbie; then spend half the night 
	phoning home

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