You Know You're a Mother when...
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they
are equal
You plot to get even with the kid who broke your child's toy and
made him cry
You can remove chewing gum from just about anything
You hide in the bathroom to be alone
Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you can keep eating
You believe finger paints should be a controlled substance
You read "Once Upon A Potty" out loud in a crowded waiting room
You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child
eats
You tell your child that TOYS R US is a toy museum, not a store
You find yourself cutting all sandwiches into unusual shapes
You fast-forward the VCR through the scene where Bambi's mother gets
killed
You become a member of three aquariums because your kid loves sharks
You obssess when your child clings to you during the first week of
school
You obsess again as they skip away without looking back the second
week
You can't bear to give away baby clothes
You hear your mom's voice coming out of your mouth: "Not in your good
clothes"
You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you
You donate to charity in the hope that your child won't get that
disease
You read a 5-year-old asks 437 questions a day. You feel your kid is
above average
You hire a sitter; go out with hubbie; then spend half the night
phoning home