You Might Be an Engineer if ...

 A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna
   on the radio in your work area for better reception
 All your sentences begin with "what if"
 At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find
   the burnt-out bulb in the string
 Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade
   your RAM is a moral dilemma
 Dilbert is your hero
 Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery,
   and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
 In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure
 On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages
   faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel
 People groan at the party when you pick out the music
 The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam
   to fix it
 The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
 The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
 The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters
   your mind
 When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
   talking with customers and you butt in to correct him and spend next
   twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the
   salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head
 You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase
   "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information
   superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses
   hand-drawn pie charts
 You are always late to meetings
 You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
 You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games,
   but are afraid to say so out loud
 You are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener
   and your camera's flash attachment
 You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear
 You are next in line on death row in a French prison and you find that
   the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it
 You are still drinking Mr Pibb
 You are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the
   cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay
 You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday
 You bought your wife's valentine gift at orchard supply
 You can name at least six Star Trek episodes
 You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
 You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
 You can understand anything Al Gore says
 You can't fit any more colored pens in your shirt pocket
 You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this
 You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical
 You carry a list for everything except the groceries
 You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test
   that actually takes five minutes to run
 You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel
 You disdain people who use low baud rates
 You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking
   into a spinning fan
 You drive a gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker
 You ever burned down the gymnasium with your science fair project
 You ever forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
 You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage
   handling equipment
 You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to
   see how they do the special effects
 You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
 You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own
   turns bread into charcoal
 You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
 You have ever debated who was a better captain:  Kirk or Piccard
 You have ever owned a calculator with no equals key and know what RPN
   stands for
 You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
 You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
 You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
 You have introduced your kids by the wrong name
 You have memorized the Discovery Channel program schedule but have
   seen most of the shows already
 You have modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven
 You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
 You have never backed up your hard drive
 You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since
   you got married
 You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than
   hanging coats and taping ducts
 You introduce your wife/husband as "mylady@home.wife/husband"
 You just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics
   kit you got for your ninth birthday
 You know how to take the cover off your computer, and what size
   screwdriver to use
 You know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic
   equipment on commercial flights
 You know the direction the water swirls when you flush
 You know what http:// stands for
 You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
 You need a checklist to turn on the TV
 You order pizza over the Internet and pay for it through your home
   banking software
 You own "Official Star Trek" anything
 You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
 You rearrange the dishwasher to maximize the packing factor
 You remember half a dozen passwords and your ten-digit Compuserve
   address, but you have to call your niece "kiddo"
 You rooted for HAL, the computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey
 You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile
 You see a good design and still have to change it
 You spend more time on your home computer than in your car
 You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring
 You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
 You talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability
   of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Superbowl
 You talk about trellis code modulation at parties
 You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
 You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget
   to send your father a birthday card
 You think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children
 You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't
   get enough sleep
 You think your computer looks better without the cover
 You thought the contraption ET used to phone home was stupid
 You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission
 You use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
 You walk around with your hands in your two front pockets 99% of the
 You want an 24X CD ROM for Christmas
 You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
 You window shop at Radio Shack
 You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
 You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the
   moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
 You've already calculated how much you make per second
 You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
 Your four basic food groups are:  1.  Caffeine, 2.  Fat, 3.  Sugar, 4.
 Your checkbook always balances
 Your dress clothes come from Sears
 Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with
   a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up
   thinking that was normal
 Your favorite actor is R2D2
 Your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor"
 Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the
 Your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium
 Your favorite television show is New Yankee Workshop
 Your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her
 Your idea of a "good read" is the Edmund Scientific catalog
 Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the
   decimal point in the right place
 Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest
   sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
 Your Internet bill is higher than your long distance charges
 Your IQ is a higher number than your weight
 Your kids refer to you as The Man Who Sleeps with Mommy
 Your laptop computer costs more than your car
 Your spouse sends you an email instead of calling you to dinner
 Your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to
   explain atmospheric absorption theory
 Your wardrobe looks like you shop at Goodwill Industries
 Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
 Your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
 Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300Mhz Pentium
 Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone

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