Strict, Unbending Rules For Dealing With Stray Cats


    1. Stray cats will not be fed.

    2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

    3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
       moistened with a little milk.

    4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food
       moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

    5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their
       permanent residence.

    6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and
       cuddled unnecessarily.

    7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
       will absolutely not be given a name.

    8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the
       house at any time.

    9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at
       certain times.

    10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days
        ending in "y".

    11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on
        or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

    12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen
        claws on the really good furniture.

    13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen
        claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three
        perches.

    14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

    15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
        high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

    16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter
        pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

    17. Stray cats will sleep outside.

    18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

    19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.

    20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old
        blanket.

    21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with
        non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.

    22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

    23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at
        the foot.

    24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
        covers.

    25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the
        covers except at the foot.

    26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.

    27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.

    28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on
        the desk when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier' puyykmm4hbdm9lo9j
        USING IT.







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