Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus -- Learn to Speak Martian!


Jim Rosenberg's Helpful New Words To Describe Male Behavior


	Neanderful --  Men haven't made much progress in the art of wooing over
		the last few hundred years, as evidenced by the Tonya Harding 
		affair.  Basically, it's still "here, look what I've beaten and 
		killed for you!" Women need a way to indicate appreciation and 
		revulsion at the same time.  Now, there's a word.  "Og, that 
		was really neanderful; now please drag the bloody carcass out 
		of the foyer, wipe off your club, and be sure to write me from 
		jail."

	Manslobber -- Some men just can't take no for an answer.  The harmless
		majority of these Gomers are much like laboratory monkeys who 
		keep pressing a button which administers a dose of potentially 
		pleasurable, but eventually deadly poison.  If refusing a date 
		just doesn't get through to the bundle of glands that is 
		yapping at your heels, women may now say "I'm sorry, Goofus, 
		but I'm going to have to press manslobber charges."

	Mammopia -- This phrase would be used to chasten men who just can't seem
		to focus on anything but a woman's {dairy related} body parts.  
		When this behavior is detected, women could say "Hey buddy, I'm 
		up here!  You need radial keratotomy for that severe case of 
		mammopia."

	Premature Articulation -- This phrase would be used to assail the
		"Schwing Reflex," which causes men to make vulgar comments about
		attractive women who pass within their field of view.  An 
		occasional "Hello, Betty!" is forgivable and physiological 
		responses are not controllable (if they were, oh happy day!).  
		Still, men ought to know better than to say things like "Here, 
		chickie, chickie" or "Come to Papa!"  The problem is:  men 
		speak before they think.  The next time it happens, women may 
		retort, "What's the matter Hercules, have you got a case of 
		premature articulation?"

	Haskellate -- Named after the Sultan of Suck-Ups, Eddie Haskell from
		"Leave it to Beaver," this phrase would be used to castigate 
		men who heap meaningless flattery on women with all their 
		motives ulterior.  When the doo-doo gets deep, women could say 
		"if these flurries haskellate any further, I'll be knee deep 
		in it."

	Blowhole -- Men are much like whales.  They lie around most of the 
		time, then surface briefly to spout off.  I pity women who 
		must nod through a nice meal while her date sounds off about 
		his {completely made-up} accomplishments.  When this happens, 
		she should say "Moby dear, why don't you submerge now and 
		give your blowhole a little rest.  You're getting the other 
		diners a little wet."






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