Symphony Orchestra Rehearsal Department Police


Summons




	Name of offender: __________________  Date/Time of Offense __________

	Instrument: ________________________  Location: _____________________


	        IMPERSONATING A PROFESSIONAL                    Fine
	
	        __ Stupid Questions                              $10.00
	
	        __ Really Stupid Questions                       $25.00
	
	        __ Really Stupid Questions which increase
	             rehearsal length                           $300.00


	        PRESUMPTIOUS FIRST YEAR BEHAVIOR

	        __ Musicology                                    $25.00

	        __ Historical Nitpicking                         $50.00

	        __ Obtrusive Foot-tapping                        $10.00

	        __ Uninvited Conducting                          $15.00

	        __ Questioning Concertmaster's or Principal's
	              bowings                                    $25.00
	
	        __ Comparing Concertmaster's or Principal's
	             bowings with what Philadelphia Orchestra
	             did under Ormandy                          $100.00


	        GENERAL TOADYING
	
	        __ Insane Cackling at Conductor's bad jokes      $50.00
	
	        __ Loud and forced horse laugh at Conductor's
	             bad jokes                                   $10.00
	
	        __ Unwarranted beatific smile while playing
	             (strings)                                   $40.00
	
	        __ Conspicous professional reading (e.g.
	             International Musician, etc)                $35.00
	
	        __ Stultifyingly minute bowing/breath questions  $75.00
	
	        __ Conversing with conductor in a language
	              other than English                         $95.00
	
	        __ Active and public nodding in agreement
	              with conductor                             $35.00
	
	        __ Pencil behind ear                             $25.00

	        __ Conspicuous part marking                      $15.00

	        __ Letting pencil clatter on stand after
	              conspicous part marking                   $500.00

	        __ Obvious, insipid consultation of
	             conductor's score during break             $150.00

	        __ reference to obscure recordings/
	             performances                                $90.00

	        __ Pretending to understand absurd metaphor      $15.00

	        __ Understanding absurd metaphor                 $25.00


	        ANNOYING BEHAVIOR BY VETERANS

	        __ Playing high notes louder than possible
	             (brass)                                     $25.00

	        __ Holding same 1/4 beat longer than
	             everyone else (brass)                      $200.00

	        __ Discussing technique during rehearsal        $100.00
	
	        __ Discussing technique during break            $200.00
	
	        __ Discussing technique with guest artist
	             (at any time)                              $500.00
	
	        __ Tiresome time-consuming anecdotes             $30.00
	
	        __ Tiresome time-consuming anecdotes about
	             famous musician (second hand)               $60.00

	        __ Tiresome time-consuming anecdotes about
	             famous musician (first hand)                $90.00

	        __ Naming yourself after a dead composer         $50.00

	        __ Naming yourself after a live composer        $100.00

	        __ Feigning European birth by 'lapsing'
	             into foreign languages                     $150.00
	

	        GENERAL OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR

	        __ Selling Amway                                 $50.00

	        __ Inviting conductor to party                   $15.00

	        __ Inviting guest artist to party               $100.00

	        __ Showing pictures of guest artist at party at
	             first rehearsal after party                $200.00
	



					    ____________________________
					    Signature of citing official



		** FAILURE TO PAY FINES SHALL BE CAUSE FOR REVOCATION 
				OF ARTISTIC LICENSE **







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