- A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
- A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
- A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
- A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on
the world have nothing to do with tires.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to
- Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose
your nursing home.
- Celibacy is not hereditary.
- Familiarity breeds children.
- For adult education, nothing beats children.
- God invented mothers because he couldn't be
everywhere at once.
- God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
- Having children is like having a bowling alley
installed in your brain.
- Having children will turn you into your parents.
- If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he
looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
- If you have trouble getting your children's attention,
just sit down and look comfortable.
- Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
- Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
- It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to
educate his father.
- It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come
when they'll know as little as their parents.
- Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- One child is often not enough, but two children can be
far too many.
- You can learn many things from children... like how much
patience you have.
- Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers
are grossly underpaid.
- The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob
also turns to the left.
- There are three ways to get things done:
1) do it yourself
2) hire someone to do it
3) forbid your kids to do it
- There would be fewer problems with children if they had to
chop wood to keep the television set going.
- Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
- The best thing to spend on your children is time.