Parental Observations

 - A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.

 - A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

 - A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

 - A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on
    the world have nothing to do with tires.

 - An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

 - Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to
    your children.

 - Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose
    your nursing home.

 - Celibacy is not hereditary.

 - Familiarity breeds children.

 - For adult education, nothing beats children.

 - God invented mothers because he couldn't be
    everywhere at once.

 - God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

 - Having children is like having a bowling alley
    installed in your brain.

 - Having children will turn you into your parents.

 - If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he
    looks like a neighbor, that's environment.

 - If you have trouble getting your children's attention,
    just sit down and look comfortable.

 - Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.

 - Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.

 - It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to
    educate his father.

 - It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come
    when they'll know as little as their parents.

 - Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

 - Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

 - One child is often not enough, but two children can be
   far too many.

 - You can learn many things from children... like how much
   patience you have.

 - Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers
   are grossly underpaid.

 - The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob
    also turns to the left.

 - There are three ways to get things done:
    1) do it yourself
    2) hire someone to do it
    3) forbid your kids to do it

 - There would be fewer problems with children if they had to
   chop wood to keep the television set going.

 - Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.

 - The best thing to spend on your children is time.