I believe it was Jerry Seinfeld who said once that "couples who
are dating" should never be allowed in public. They embarass
themselves and make everyone else sick.
Excerpts from a "new" couple's life:
Anne to her female friend: "Oh, Becky, you just wouldn't believe the
phone conversations we have! He's sooooo romantic. He actually
*hangs up on me*! It proves he loves me soooo much!"
Anne (exasperated by her friend's ignorance), "You know! When you get to
the part about having to hang up and neither of you wants to do it
because it's like cutting off your arm! So Ralph tells me that
*he'll* hang up and spare *me* the pain of doing it! It's soooooo
Ralph to his friend Bubba: "Man, you should have seen the little thing
she was wearing that night. It was little micro black skirt which
was slit right up to heaven. And her blouse was unbuttoned right to
her belly button."
"Jeeez, I'd like to have caught a shot of that!"
"WHAT?? You *look* at my girlfriend and I'll kick your ass!"
Anne and Ralph got back from lunch five minutes ago and she calls him on
Anne to Ralph on the phone: "Oh, Ralph, I miss you so much. I love you so much!
It's like we've been apart for years."
"I love you, too, honey. God, I miss you so much. I can't stand this being apart.
I can't wait to be in your arms again."
"Ralphie-Walphie, love, you do know we're in adjoining cubicles. We *could* just
get up and meet by the copy machine . . . "
"Sweetie-pie, honey-bunch, snookums, devil-vixen girl, I would love to snuggle next
to your cute 'wittle' buns by the copy machine, my 'wittle' foxy-woxy,
: "Jesus -- you two just go back to the supply room and
screw, would ya???"
Card sent by Anne to Ralph. On the front of the card it has a picture of a pretty
girl. The text: "Sweetheart, I love to hold your hand . . ."
On the inside: "That way I can jerk you like a slingshot when I see you look at
Card sent by Ralph to Anne: On the front of the card is a drawing of a rugged
fella. Text: "Honey, I'd climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest ocean, cross
the hottest desert for you!"
On the inside: "I think that deserves some sex, don't you?"