How To Be a Pest By Modem


	 Make up fake acronyms.  On-line veterans like to use abbreviations
	 like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f...... manual) to
	 show that they're "hep" to the lingo.  Make up your own that don't
	 stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then
	 refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know? RTFM").
	
	 WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS
	 SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE
	 ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE
	 EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!!!!!!!

	 When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling
	 and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content
	 of their messages.  When they respond testily to your 'creative
	 criticism," do it again.  Continue until they go away.

	 Software and files offered on-line are often "compressed" so that it
	 won't take so long to travel over the phone lines.  Buy a compression
	 program and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mail
	 responses like "Thanks."
	
	 Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them
	 names like "SexyHouseWives," then see how many people download them.
	 Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on.  Take
	 bets and calculate odds on the results of each upload's popularity.
	
	 CC: all your E-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that
	 he can keep track of what's happening on the information Superhighway
	 Internet.
	
	 Join a discussion group, and tie whatever's being discussed back to 
	 an unrelated central theme of your own.  For instance, if you're in  
	 a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the
	 observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have
	 played an important role.  Within days, all discussion of gun control
	 will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct
	 all other members to ignore you.
	
	





Back to Lori's Humor Page