If Men Were in Charge of Planning Weddings
There would be less "Oh Promise Me" and "Endless Love"
and more "Louie, Louie" and "Mony Mony".
There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" Party
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They
would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.
Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have
matching team colors.
June Weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.
Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically but omit that
"forsaking all others" part.
The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some
other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car.
Better yet, a Harley!
Idiots that tried to dance with the Bride (unless they were
really old) would get punched in the head.
Big slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man".
There would be "Tailgate Receptions".
Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events
at half-time or between innings.
Ceremonies would be short and Honeymoons would be long.
Ceremonies and Honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the
cost of the Bachelor Party. Those strippers and liquor sure do add up.
Men wouldn't ask...."Well, what do you think, Dear, The Burgandy or the
Wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or
Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet,
free drink passes at the local lounge.
The brides dress would show cleavage, her navel and be form
fitted to her ass.
Instead of a sit down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog
roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.
No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would
insist the garter be as high up on her leg as it would go.
The bridal bouquet could be recycled from a previous funeral or
Invitations would read as follows:
Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain....
He's getting married.
A.) knocked her up,
B.) couldn't get a different roommate, or
C.) caved in to her ultimatium.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him
For the rest of his life
At Soldier Field Staduim
On the 50 Yard Line
at Half-time during Sunday's Game
Please join us at the MoonLight Lounge after the game
For Beer, Nacho's and Pizza.
Oh Yeah... B.Y.O.B.
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