How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
laundry done free.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the
other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other
replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That
happens in every country, son.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; and then it was too late."
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a
fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I
was in love and didn't notice."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to
let him keep her. -Sacha Guitry
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe. - Jackie Mason
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.