The Laws of Golf



	LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come.
	       This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the
	       supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, 
	       a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
	
	LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately  by
	       your worst round ever.  The probability of the latter increases 
	       with the number of people you tell about the former.
	
	LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.  Though this cannot be
	       proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the 
	       golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
	
	LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play.  If one
	       does,  the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be 
	       cut down.
	
	LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
	       partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath 
	       of the universe.
	
	LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems
	       himself as an instructor.
	
	LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to
	       humiliate golfers.  The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
	
	LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
	
	LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
	
	LAW 10: Sand is alive.  If it isn't, how do you explain the way it
	        works against you?
	
	LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from
	        the clubhouse.
	
	LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than
	        anyone in your group.  Likewise, a group you accidentally hit 
	        into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, 
	        a convicted murderer and an IRS  agent -- or some similar 
	        combination.
	
	LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
	
	LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another,
	         particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
	
	LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
	
	LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt."
	         Similarly,  "tough break" can usually be translated "way to 
	         miss an easy one, sucker."
	
	LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the
	        one who beats you.
	
	LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your
	        score to what it really should be.
	
	LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
	
	LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the
	        sunset.






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