How to Shower Like a Woman


	Long version: (sorry, there is no short version with women)



	1. Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning 
	   b/c there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature 
	   dropping  below 33 degrees.
	
	2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towelon head. If 
	   you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed 
	   flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush 
	   to bathroom.

	3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut 
	   so that you can complain and  whine even more about how you're 
	   getting fat.

	4. Turn on the hot water only.

	5. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.

	6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah 
	   and pumice stone.
	
	7. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added  
	   vitamins.
	
	8. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added 
	   vitamins.
	
	9. Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 
	   added vitamins.
	
	10. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced  
	   with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
	
	11. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes 
	   until red raw.
	
	12. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake bodywash.
	
	13. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has 
	   once again been eating your Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
	
	14. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as  
	   you must make sure that it has all come off).
	
	15. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be 
	   bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.
	
	16. Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.
	
	17. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and 
	   you get a rush of cold water.
	
	18.  Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
	
	19. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
	
	20. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with 
	   nails/tweezers if found.
	
	21. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If  
	   you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed 
	   flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban gags and then rush to 
	   bedroom.
	
	
	




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