GirlGriend Version 1.0

	 I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been
	 having some problems lately.  I've been running the same version of
	 DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the
	 GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
	 I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
	 background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to
	 say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them
	 separately, and it works okay.
	 GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf
	 program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
	 I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I
	 might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of
	 conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
	 experience with GirlFriend 2.0.  He said I probably didn't have
	 enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require
	 a Token Ring to run properly.  He was right--as soon as I purged my
	 cache, it uninstalled itself.
	 Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs
	 were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me
	 a virus anyway.  I had to clean out my whole system and shut down
	 for a while.
	 I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0.  This time I used a
	 SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It
	 worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was
	 still in my system.  I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
	 GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I
	 didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any
	 other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some
	 way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
	 The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
	 problems.  Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
	 obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I
	 think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather
	 than the desired functionality.  Also, to get the best connections
	 with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
	 And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
	 A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
	 GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version
	 of GirlFriend.  He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires
	 within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.  So he did, but
	 soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes
	 as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't
	 load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go
	 with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.
	 Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
	 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
	 Plug-Ins he wanted to try.  On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
	 running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
	 Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0
	 which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn-off.
	 I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if
	 you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
	 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
	 Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
	 I suppose the moral of the story is: know your system's hardware,
	 it's software requirements and compatibilities and be real careful
	 about what software you install and when and how you upgrade.

Back to Lori's Humor Page