Fraternity-English Dictionary

	                         POPULAR FRAT TERMINOLOGY
	In Fraternity                           In English
	* "I'll kick your ass!"                 * "I'm gonna get about 20 of my
	                                          frat buddies together and we're
	                                          gonna wield bats and hope we can
	                                          catch you asleep under a tree
	                                          so we can beat you up!"
	* "I've never lost a fight."            * "I've never been in a fight."
	* "I'm about to introduce you to        * "I'm gonna pay a football player
	   a work of pain."                       to beat you up."
	* "Surely we can talk this out like     * "Not the face!  Not the face!"
	   rational human beings."
	* "I believe in a fair fight."          * "We'll start the fight when my
	                                          back up arrives."
	* "By taking the initiative to go       * "I'm here for beer and sex, in no
	  on to a university and further my       particular order."
	  education, I hope to broaden my
	  horizons, open new employment
	  oppurtunities, and be a better
	  person on the whole."
	* "Hello, may I buy you a drink?"       * "How much alcohol does it take
	                                          to get you in bed?"
	* "Would you like to dance?"            * "Please give me a reason to touch
	* "I think men should be more           * "It really pisses me off when
	  responsive to the needs of              chicks don't swallow."
	* "That's a very interesting            * "That's a very interesting name
	   name you have."                        you have.  Of course, in five	
        	                                  minutes, I'll be so absorbed by
	                                          alcohol and staring at your chest
	                                          that I won't remember it."
	* "Would you like to go back to         * "Let's go back to my place
	  my place?"                              where I can paw at you, get slapped,
	                                          and later brag to all my frat
	                                          brothers about what an easy lay
	                                          you were, destroying any chance
	                                          at respectability you have."
	* "I'd like to get to know you          * "Take off your bra."
	* "I respect Christianity.  Jesus       * "Anyone who turns water to
	  was a great man, full of love           wine can't be all bad."
	  and patience.  The hate he had
	  to endure, and yet he still
	  loved us all.  He truly was the
	  Son of God."
	* "I respect you for your decision      * "Damn it, I paid for your dinner.
	  of abstenance."                         Now put out!"
	* "Of course I'll respect you in        * "Respect you in the morning?  I
	  the morning."                           can't even remember your name
	* "I want you to know I don't do        * "Looks like I get another notch
	  this with just anyone."                 on the ol' belt.  Three more and
	                                          my frat pals throw a kegger in my
	* "Despite our differences, I'm         * "You're ugly, but I don't
	  still willing to make a go at           wanna look at you.  Just fuck
	  a relationship."                        you."
	* "I love you."                         * "God I hope I wasn't stupid
	                                           enough to give you my real
	                                           phone number."
	* "I totally agree with your            * "Just because I can't make you
	  stance and am angered how my            sit at the back of the bus
	  race has oppressed you for so           does not mean I have to like
	  long."                                  you."
	* "The plight of your people is         * "I hate you [insert
	   truly an awe-inspiring tale."           appropriate racial slur here]."
	* "I want you to know that despite      * "Please don't mug me."
	  our color differences, I think of
	  you as a brother."
	* "Not enough people take birth         * "So what if it IS my kid, I
	  control seriously."                     don't see how it's my problem."
	* "But the problems with condoms        * "No way in hell am I putting
	  is you still run the 20%+ chance        something that looks like a
	  of it rupturing during sex."            party balloon on my dick."
	* "Something needs to be done about     * "Can't we shoot them or
	  the homeless problem in our              something?"
	* "It breaks my heart to think          * "Better him than me."
	  somewhere in the world, a small
	  child will go to bed without his
	  dinner again tonight."
	                      COMMON FRAT VOCABULARY
	In English                                      In Fraternity

	Woman                                           Bitch
	Holy Water                                      Beer
	God                                             Beer
	Toilet                                          Friend
	Someone who can help me                         Friend
	get what I need, be
	there when I need to use
	them and never asks for
	favors in return
	Someone who can be in no                        Asshole
	way exploited.
	Art school student(when                         Fairy
	in company of other frats)
	Art school student(when                         Master of the
	alone & surrounded by                           Visual Arts
	other art school students)
	Checking Account/Loan Officer                   Daddy
	Girlfriend                                      Guaranteed Sex
	Janitor                                         Most probable
	                                                post-college job

Back to Lori's Humor Page