Flame Response Form


If you are part of any public listervs - which are public discussion 
group - you are all too aware of the craziness of being part of 
such as group: Threads (Continuing Discussions) which last a lifetime,
insanely boorish comments and the all too common trite replies
"I agree"

Well there is now a standard reply form for FLAMING
(listed under the government e-mail paperwork reduction act)
For those unfamiliar with the term, flaming is the immediate
and often irrational response to emails that annoy you.
They can be sent to individual on public listervs - 
where people mouth off their opinions.

PS. If you are new to the web, read carefully to avoid 
being flamed yourself.

This is a bit long, but you have all weekend

Enjoy,
Eric, JokeMaster

Dear:

[ ] sir        [ ] clueless one [ ] twit         [ ] great man on campus
[ ] madam      [ ] dweeb        [ ] twerp        [ ] comrade
[ ] Elvis      [ ] moon beam    [ ] boor         [ ] Babe
[ ] Geek       [ ] Boob         [ ] Communist  
[ ] Republican [ ] Democrat     [ ] Liberal      [ ] Conservative
[ ] Other ( )

You are being gently flamed because.

--------------------
GENERAL
--------------------
[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps) 
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning.
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor
[ ] you have a SIG with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[ ] Repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
[ ] Repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or
    Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.

-------------------- 
FOR LISTERVS (Open discussion Groups)
--------------------
[ ] you sent a please remove me from the list message to the 
    list rather than the list-sever
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] you advocated Net censorship
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll
[ ] you posted an obvious troll

[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] you crossposted excessively
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after
    60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post.
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy with
    cancer who is trying to break the guiness book record.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your addition
    was "I agree" or "Me too."
[ ] Barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and
    started stinking up the place just because you read an article about
    the newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever in some magazine or hads seen it
    on TV etc....


[ ] you discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup;
    [ ] hollow earth theory            [ ] alien President theory
    [ ] orbital mind control frisbees  [ ] faith healing
    [ ] government weather control     [ ] Russian psychics
    [ ] Squeaky Fromme                 [ ] the nation of France
    [ ] robot spy bees                 [ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens
    [ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate"     [ ] Beavis & Butthead anything
    [ ] flat earth theory              [ ] government consipiracy theory
    [ ] the veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above)    
    [ ] Other: 

[ ] you considered the following to be reliable reference sources;
    [ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
    [ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup   or [ ] SNL News
    [ ] Oliver Stone           [ ] Hard Copy  [ ] Inside Edition
    [ ] The National Enquirer  [ ] The Sun    [ ] NY Post
    [ ] The Union Leader       [ ] Pravda     [ ] OMNI Magazine
    [ ] Company Marketing Hype [ ] Microsoft  [ ] The Simpsons
    [ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
    [ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to;

[ ] do not delete the "welcome to the list" message you recieved 
    when you joined
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
[ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are crossposting to
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ]  get used to being mocked
[ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments

I would like like to suggest that, for the common good, you;

[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[ ] post only to alt.dev.null
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in
    that thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:
            [ ] patience            [ ] tolerance           [ ] caution
            [ ] common courtesy     [ ] succinctness
            [ ] vocabulary          [ ] higher brain functions
            [ ] Other:
            [ ] Re-install what ever failed mental operating system
  you are currently running on

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine
your progress toward being;

[ ] a useful member of Internet society
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] integrated into humanity
[ ] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other:

Thank you for taking the time to read this form flame.







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