Dear Mom

	 Dear Mom,

	 You made me go to Sunday School;
	 You insisted that I get a college degree;
	 You made me go to sleep by 9 PM when I was an adolescent;
	 You made me come inside when it got dark;
	 You told me not to play with matches;
	 You corrected my grammer;
	 You made me wash my hands;
	 You made me eat my vegetables;
	 You made me walk my dog;
	 You wouldn't let me cross the big avenue until I was ten years old;
	 You made me use a handkerchief instead of using my sleeve;
	 You told me to do my homework;
	 You made me stand up straight, and take my hands out of my pockets;
	 You made me look it up in the dictionary;
	 You wouldn't let me have dessert before dinner;
	 You made me pay for Mrs. Larson's window;
	 You made me clean my room;
	 You made me put my money in the bank;
	 You made me mow the lawn;
	 You made me shovel the snow off the sidewalk;
	 You wouldn't let me watch too much TV;
	 You made me turn down my music;
	 You made me wear a bicycle helmet;
	 You wouldn't let me get a motorcycle;
	 You made me get a haircut;
	 You said that I couldn't have snakes;
	 You wouldn't let me spit, or scratch my ass, or pick my nose;
	 You told me to be nice to that old slime bag across the street;
	 You slapped me on the rump just because the principal called;
	 You wouldn't let me smoke grass or drink booze;
	 You wouldn't let me play with firecrackers;
	 You wouldn't let me bone my girlfriend in my bedroom;
	 You told the police that I was hiding in the basement;

	 and therefore,......
	 The best thing I can give you as a Mothers' Day present is THIS list
	 of great reasons why you won't be getting a Mothers' Day present
	 from your son this year.  Face it mom,.... you're a real square!
	 P.S.  Dad says, "Ditto!"