Suit Up, Boychik

It's Every Jewish Boy's Bad Dream:
Going With Mom to Shop For a Bar Mitzvah Outfit

by Suzanne C. Ryan,
As Appeared in "The Boston Globe", Wednesday, March 4, 1998

	NEWTON (MA) - It's a weekday afternoon and 12-year-old Ben Lewis
	would rather be anywhere else right now.

	Standing in front of a mirror at the men's clothing store
	Simon & Sons, Ben is dejectedly modeling for his mother the black
	suit he'll wear to his bar mitzvah next month.

	"Do you like the plain fabric?" prompts his mother, Sherri Lewis.
	"Yea," Ben mumbles.

	"Do you want to try on the pinstriped suit?" she asks.  "No," he says.

	"Do you care if it's poly-wool or regular wool?" she asks.  Ben 
	shrugs nonchalantly.

	At a time when baggy jeans and hooded sweat shirts are the norm,
	it's not easy talking up a tailored business suit to a gum-popping
	12-year-old.  Just ask some of the Jewish mothers in the Boston
	area who are scrambling to prepare their sons for their bar
	mitzvahs, one of the most anticipated of childhood events.
	"He didn't want to come," says Sherri Lewis.  "I had to bribe him
	and coax him.  I said, 'The bar mitzvah is a few weeks away.  We've
	got to go.'"
	Without question, the suit-buying event is a major part of the
	tradition surrounding a Jewish boy's big day, a coming-of-age
	religious ceremony in which 13-year-olds are called to read and
	interpret the Torah, Judaism's sacred text, in front of their
	But for many boys, buying a suit is a new and traumatic experience.
	For one thing, it's embarrassing and totally uncool to be seen in
	a suit.  The universal uniform to wear to a friend's bar mitzvah
	is khaki pants and blue blazers.  (It's so common that parents
	complain their kids often grab the wrong blue blazer after the
	Hard, toe-pinching dress shoes are also a foreign concept to boys
	who've sported comfy sneakers and trendy ankle boots since they
	were old enough to care about clothes.
	They don't know how to tie a tie.  And -- after years of shopping
	at stores like the Gap -- they've never had a salesperson ask
	about sartorial preferences like double-breasted jackets or cuffed
	pant legs.
	"Christian Dior.  What's that?" asks 12-year-old Daniel Jaynes, of
	For many parents, the bar mitzvah shopping spree is an ordeal as
	well.  It's so much easier dressing daughters for their bat mitzvahs
	(the equivalent event for 13-year-old girls.)  While preteen girls
	can be sullen too, more of them are fond of shopping and most have
	worn a fancy dress to an event before.
	Not so for many boys. And not only are their suits expensive (they
	typically range from $185 to $300), they need all the accessories,
	too: dress shoes ($45 to $75), dress socks ($5), dress shirt ($25 to
	$30), tie ($15 to $20), and dress belt ($15 to $20).
	And for all that expense, the boys may wear the suit only four or
	five times before they outgrow it.
	'It's going to be very painful to shell out $300 to $400," says Lea
	Berkovits, of Brookline, who has seven children, including
	12-year-old son Chanan.
	Then there's the actual search for the outfit.  You'd think that
	would be the easy part.  But not that many stores sell boys' suits.
	Macy's has a few, but Filene's doesn't, nor TJ Maxx, nor Miltons.  If
	you know about it, there's Burlington Coat Factory Warehouse in
	Braintree, and Lebow Brothers Men's & Boy's Clothing in Wellesley.
	Part store, part therapist
	But the word in the temples is: Simon & Sons.  The retailer began
	stocking boys' suits in its Newton store five years ago, after
	Jewish mothers in the area basically demanded it.  Now the men's
	store is like bar mitzvah central, offering one of the largest
	selections of boys' suits in the area (350 choices), as well as
	six styles of boys' dress shoes; 50 patterns of boys' ties (sized
	to fit a boy's neck, and with a sheet of instructions on tying);
	five styles of boys' belts; and seven styles of boys' shirts ranging
	from size 8 to 20.
	"We've got everything for boys, from head to toe," says Paul Simon,
	owner of the two-store company.
	That kind of selection has created a flood of bar mitzvah shoppers.
	Indeed, on one wall the store has 250 snapshots of bar mitzvah boys.
	Posing in their newly purchased suits, the kids are lined up in rows
	with names like Levy, Stern, Siegel, and Bloom.  During the recent
	school vacation week, more than 100 mothers and their sons visited
	the store.
	Says shopper Eva Victor Lessin, of Lexington, "In temple, everyone
	talks about this store."
	To be sure, merchandise alone isn't the only thing that's made
	Simon & Sons remarkable.  Its real contribution may be that -- during
	one of the most important events of its customers' lives -- the store
	willingly serves as part clothier, part family therapist, and part
	peacemaker.  Somehow, its salespeople have mastered how to resolve
	family feuds while overcoming boys' indifference to fashion, or their
	ignorance of it.
	"We've had maternal and paternal grandparents in here arguing over
	who's going to pay," says salesman David Duggan.  "Meanwhile, we're
	like the dentist to some kids," he says.
	A parent, too, can be caught up in the emotions of the upcoming
	occasion -- acknowledging his or her boy as a young man.  Indeed,
	while Liliane Schor, of Wayland, joyfully reminisces about her
	18-year-old son's bar mitzvah five years ago, Simon listens patiently
	while he quickly outfits her twin sons David and Michael in
	gray-pinstripe and olive-green suits.
	"What style ties do you guys like?" Simon asks them.  'I don't know,"
	they both respond.  No problem. Simon suggests geometric patterns.
	A similar Q&A ensues over the shirts and belts, and in 45 minutes flat,
	the 13-year-old twins are suited up and headed out the door.  Liliane
	Schor is beaming.  "They're going to look so handsome," she says.
	When kids balk

	Of course, some kids don't want a salesperson, or their parents,
	telling them how to dress.  When Simon recommends a burgundy belt for
	an olive green suit, Daniel Jaynes wrinkles up his nose.  "I like
	black," he says.  When Simon suggests a royal blue shirt to match a
	blue blazer (for a bar mitzvah after-party), Daniel rejects the idea,
	muttering under his breath, "He's just saying that because he's
	wearing a blue shirt."
	Then Daniel spots another after-party item, a funky printed black vest,
	and there's no stopping him.  "I'm buying it.  It's spiffy," he says.
	"It doesn't go with your blazer," says his mother, Lois Jaynes.  But
	Daniel's ready for her.  "Listen, I'll wear it with a white shirt and
	khakis," he says.  Lois Jaynes sighs, "He's a clotheshorse."
	Some kids are embarrassed to tell a salesperson no.  After 45 minutes
	of poking and prodding, salesman Robert Carney has a bar mitzvah
	outfit all laid out for Ben Lewis: a black suit with a cream shirt,
	and black and tan tie.  Ben gives a nod and his mom is at the cash
	Then Ben confides to his 15-year-old sister, Rebecca, that he really
	doesn't like the outfit.  "Tell her," Rebecca urges.  But Ben waits
	until Carney walks away.  "I want to wear a regular white shirt, and
	black and white tie," he whispers to his mom.
	Since Sherri Lewis is wearing an ivory-colored dress, she tries to
	talk Ben into the cream shirt.  "It would be nice if we matched for
	the pictures," she says.
	Ben is silent. Seconds pass.
	"OK. It's your day," says his mom.
	Standing at the cash register, Ben smiles for the first time in an
	hour.  The shopping ordeal is over.

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