Baby Tech Support Line




Ring Ring Ring

Hello!  And thank you for calling the Baby Technical Support Line at
Saguaro General Hospital.  For Imminent Baby Delivery, please press 1,
For regular Pediatric Questions, please press 2, For Sales and Service,
please press 3, for Technical Questions regarding the Care and Upkeep of
your Baby, please press 4.

Beep.

Ring Ring Ring

Hello, this is Mary with Saguaro General Hospital Baby Technical
Support.  How can I help you today?

Yes.  Ahh.  I'm having problems with my new baby and my wife is out at
the moment.  We had our baby delivered at Saguaro about 4 months ago.

Yes sir.  What seems to be the problem?

Well, I'm kinda new to this, you know?  I mean, I'm here alone with the
kid and I'm not sure what to do next.

OK.  Tell me where you're at.  What kind of model do you have?

Model?

Yes sir.

Well.  It's a baby.  And she's been crying for a while now.

What I mean is, can you tell me what obvious features the baby has?
Does she have any defects?  Is she missing any fingers, toes?  Things
like that?

What?  Oh no!  She's just your basic baby, I guess.

OK.  Sounds like our Performa Model.  How is the baby behaving now?

Well, she's not eating, and she's been throwing things around and
crying.  In other words, she's acting normal.

All right.  Have you tried Awaking her without any Extensions?

What are those?

Extensions would be any outside disturbances, such as a lot of noise,
loud pets; a nice quiet environment.  She needs no extra stimuli when
she wakes up.  She'll be in a lot better mood.

Well, I'll try that.

Have you Rebuilt the Baby lately?

What?

Sir, babies need a lot of care and attention.

That's what my wife keeps telling me.  I guess I should start paying
more attention to her.

That's good.

Well, what can I do now?

Well, sir, Rebuilding the Baby is really very simple once you've done
it.  You're going to have to sit down in front of the baby and do the
following.  After you wake her without any Extensions, give the baby a
bath and wash her carefully.  Make sure when you wash her to not let go
of her hand until you see the smiling face!

OK.  Sounds good.

Then, dry her carefully and dust her.

Dust?

Baby Powder, sir.

Oh.  OK.

Then, place a clean, fresh diaper on the baby.

A diaper.

Yes, sir.

How do you put those things on?

It's all explained very clearly in the manual we sent to you when the
baby was delivered.

I don't think we got that.

Did you inspect your shipping container carefully?

Just a second.  Let me look.

(A few minutes later)

Yes!  Here it is.  Hey, it's got pictures and everything.

Yes sir, we go through a lot of trouble to produce those manuals.
You'll find all the instructions you'll need in there.  Plus we've
included many tips.

OK.  I'll read it tonight.

Good.  Can I have your name and number please?

Jay Pegg, 555-6001.

OK.  Mr. Pegg, can I have the serial number of the baby, please?

Serial number?

Yes sir.  We place a bar code on each baby which helps us keep track of
them.  It's very helpful to us when they come in for maintenance.

(Some crying in the background)

Well, I've got her upside down and every which way, but I see no serial
number.

Sir, the serial number is very small and is usually placed on top of her
skull.

Isn't that dangerous?

Oh no.  Not at all.  Eventually it just fades away.  Just brush her hair
aside and it should be there.

Just a second and I'll look.

(A lot of crying and screaming now)

Uh.  I've got her in my lap now.  She's very strong, you know.

I can imagine, sir.

Well, let's see here.  It looks like S-G-H-3-9-8 Ow!  Honey, don't poke
daddy like that!

Are you all right sir?

Huh?  Oh, just fine.  Let's see S-G-H-3 Damn!  Why you little!

(A LOT of crying now)

Hello?  Sir?

Just a second.  Let me take this plastic dino away from her.

(Not as much crying)

OK.  Here we go.  It looks like, yes!  666!

Sir?

Hah!  Just kidding.  OK, the real number is SGH35671-1/22/94.  Wheh!
There.

OK.  I've got the number.  Just let me look up that number.  OK Mr.
Pegg, we have you listed as living in Tempe?  Is that correct?

Yes.  That's right.

(Crying coming back strong)

We have no name for the baby listed.  What is her name?

Uhh.  Actually we haven't named her yet.

Well.  It's very simple.  Simply Select the Baby and type in her new
name.

Really?

Yep.  That's all there is to it.

Where do I type?

Well, included with your manual is a key pad which has many different
functions.

Let me look.  Hey!  You're right.  This will be a big help.

The manual explains everything in great detail, and if you still have
problems with your baby, just call us anytime and we'll help.

Sounds great.  While I have you on the line, the baby keeps crying all
the time when the mother isn't here.  What can I do?

Have you tried a Scream Saver, sir?

Scream Saver?

Yes.  We recommend Scream Savers for saving your baby's voice.  We have
had a lot of success with sitting the child in front of a TV and turning
it to C-SPAN.

Hmm.  I'll try that.  What do you recommend when the kid just doesn't
want to go to bed?  We've tried playing with her to the point were we
are both worn out and the baby just keeps going.

Sir, if you look on the key pad, you'll see a small cover which opens
up.  There we have installed additional options.  Try setting the Sleep
Mode to what ever time at night you want the child to sleep.  If you
have other times when you wish the baby to be sleeping, such as during
Friday rush hour traffic, simply press the Sleep Now mode and the child
will stop screaming in your ears, and fall peacefully to sleep.

Hey!  Now that's a great idea.

Yes sir.  It's amazing what they are doing nowadays.

Well.  Thanks Mary for all your help and I'll be sure and ask especially
for you if we need more help.

Thank you for calling the Baby Technical Support Line.








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