50 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart

 1.  Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling
     them and stranding them at strategic locations.
 2.  Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the
 3.  Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute
     intervals throughout the day.
 4.  Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
     to join in.
 5.  Contaminate the entire auto department by
     sampling all the spray air fresheners.
 6.  Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift
 7.  Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
 8.  Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
 9.  When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
     especially thin narrow aisles.
 10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
     "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
 11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them
     all off and turn the volumes to "10".
 12. Play with the automatic doors.
 13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi!  I haven't
     seen you in so long!..." etc.  See if they play along to
     avoid embarrassment.
 14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
     yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap,
 15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
 16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
     taking it for a "test drive."
 17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
     five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
 18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire
     store as your playing field.
 19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner,
     look mesmerized and say, "Wow.  Magic!"
 20. Put M&M's on layaway.
 21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
 22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others
     you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed
     and Bath.
 23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
     the other aisles.
 24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
 25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
     saying, "...I'm Batman.  Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
 26. TP as much of the store as possible.
 27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
 28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
     upside down.
 29. When someone asks if you need help, begin
     to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
 30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
     between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
 31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees
     if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples
 32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full
     scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
 33. Take bets on the battle described above.
 34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
 35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
     ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
     Act as spastic as possible.
 36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
 37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
     "Mission: Impossible."
 38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
 39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
 40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
     to your Twinkies?"
 41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
 42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
     food aisle, etc.
 44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
 45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
     with various funnels.
 46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
     something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
 47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
 48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume
     the fetal position and scream, "No, no!  It's those voices
 49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
 50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
     relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink;
     explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put
     a little umbrella in it.
 *BONUS*  Attempt all of the above during the same visit.

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