50 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling
them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute
intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by
sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them
all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't
seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap,
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire
store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner,
look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others
you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin
to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees
if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full
scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me
to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look
with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume
the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink;
explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put
a little umbrella in it.
*BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
Back to Lori's Humor Page
Back to Lori's Home Page