A Reply from England - 1776



Most of us assume that history is correct, and that following our "Declaration of Independence" the US and the British Empire went to war.

Well, not quite, below for your perusal is a document just declassified by the US Federal Government. It seems the "Total Quality Management" methods/approach are not quite as recent as we thought. King George appears to have had his own TQM "facilitator"


 The Court of King George III
 London, England

 July 10, 1776

 Mr. Thomas Jefferson,
 c/o The Continental Congress
 Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

 Dear Mr. Jefferson:

 We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest.  Certainly, 
 it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit 
 serious consideration.

 Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted 
 specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to 
 you for further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your
 process of revision: 

  1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and 
     Nature's God."   What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on 
     which you base your central arguments?  Please document with citations from 
     the recent literature. 

  2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind."
     Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us
     the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion. 

  3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you please elaborate. 
     If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be difficult for you 
     to locate the appropriate supporting statistics. 

  4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the goals of your 
     proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say that among 
     these are: 
        the ability to sustain an average life expectancy in six of the  
		13 colonies of at least 55 years 
        to enable newspapers in the colonies to print news without outside 
		interference 
        to raise the average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 
		10 years 
     for example, these could be measurable goals. Please clarify. 

  5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of 
     these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to 
     institute a new Government...."   Have you weighed this assertion against 
     all the alternatives?   What are the trade-off considerations? 

  6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. Such a long 
     list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not follow it. 
     Your problem statement needs improvement. 

  7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You state 
     that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States," and that they 
     are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown."  Who or what must 
     change to achieve this objective?  In what way must they change?  What 
     specific steps will you take to overcome the resistance?  How long will it 
     take?  We have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to 
     prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are your strategies? 

  8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing your 
     strategy?  Who conceived it?  Who provided the theoretical research?  Who 
     will constitute the advisory committee?  Please submit an organization 
     chart and qualifications of the principal investigators. 

  9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this since 
     Queen Anne's War. 

 10. What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include any assessment 
     of this inspires little confidence in the long-range prospects of your 
     undertaking. 

 11. Please submit a all necessary diagrams, an activity chart, proposed time 
     line (w/at least 3 options), itemized budget, and manpower utilization 
     matrix. 

 We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration of 
 Independence" in accordance with all TQM procedures.

 We welcome the submission of your revised proposal. Our due date for unsolicited 
 proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required. 

                            		Sincerely,
                  			Sir Thomas Moore
                 		 	Management Analyst to the British Crown 






Back to Lori's Humor Page
Back to Lori's Home Page