Football as a Political Paradigm -- The Adventure Continues

By Randy Jordan

DEMOCRATIC FOOTBALL: Just like COMMUNIST FOOTBALL, except that an unholy 
	number of players find it easier to sit on the bench and let the 
	rest of their team score for them. This phenomenon is better
	understood in relation to the overwhelming growth of coaching
	staffs, front office personnel, and Indonesian team owners.

REPUBLICAN FOOTBALL: The team that scores the least not only loses the 
	game, but the league subsequently penalizes them heavily and 
	rewrites the rules so that the only way they can become 
	competitive again is through the draft lottery.

LIBERTARIAN FOOTBALL: The teams are so interested in keeping the
	referees uninvolved that it's impossible for anyone to ever win.

RUSSIAN COMMUNIST FOOTBALL: The game just goes on and on until finally 
	one team has accrued so many injuries to its own players that 
	it cannot continue to amass points.

ROSS PEROT FOOTBALL: The rules make so little sense that even the fans 
	are annoyed, yet they continue to buy tickets because they think 
	the other games are even worse.

RAINBOW COALITION FOOTBALL: Many have said that it is political suicide 
	to satirize any organization that seeks to guarantee civil rights 
	and bring about equality. So lets move on to ...

N.O.W. FOOTBALL: Despite glaring contradictions in the rules, the few 
	remaining players continue to defend discrepancies and play a 
	rough game, indeed. Points build up quickly, since all the 
	teams have only offensive players, with no defense.

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