Political Periodic Table


	In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
	elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:

	Limbaughium  Lb
	The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass.
	Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all
	elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons and electrons;
	attracts only morons.

	Billclintium  Bc
	With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a
	series of interesting changes when in hot water.

	Canadium  Eh
	Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often
	called Boron.

	Innofensium  Pc
	Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons,
	quarks. Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.

	Newtium
	Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not
	possess magnetic properties. Can be purchased cheaply.

	Quaylium  Vp
	Einsteinium it ain't.

	Budweisium  Ps
	Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.

	Cabmium  Cb
	Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion
	and at rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you
	do. Cabmium has a charge associated with it. The charge is variable,
	and scientists have not determined the formula for calculating it.

	Politicium  Po
	Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach
	lethal concentrations in the House.

	Congress Cg
	Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.







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