No Excuse Sunday

Excerpt From August 4, 1996 Church Bulletin

To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday we are
going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday."

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say "Sunday is my only
day to sleep in."  We  will have steel helmets for those who think the
church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.  We will
have hearing aids for those who say "The Priest talks too softly," and
cotton for those who say HE preaches too loudly.  Score cards for those
who wish to list hypocrites present.  Some relatives will be in
attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays.  There will be
TV dinners for those who can't go to Church and cook dinner also.  One
section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to see God
in Nature.  Finally the Sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas
poinsettias and Easter Lilies for those who have never seen the church
without them.

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