10 Tips on How NOT to Rob a Bank

	According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are
	"unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat
	offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business.
	This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titled
	"How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The
	Old Farmers Almanac.

	Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 
	76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank 
	before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing 
	the loot.  Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along 
	with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:

	1. Pick the right bank.  Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of
		the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was 
		no longer in business and had no money.  On the other hand, you 
		don't want to be too familiar with the bank.  A California robber 
		ran into his mother while making his getaway.  She turned him in.

    	2. Approach the right teller.  Granted, Clark says, this is harder to plan. 
		One teller in Springfield, Mass., followed the holdup man out of 
		the bank and down the street until she saw him go into a restaurant.  
		She hailed a passing police car, and the police picked him up.  
		Another teller was given a holdup note by a robber, and her father, 
		who was next in line, wrestled the man to the ground and sat on 
		him until authorities arrived.

    	3. Don't sign your demand note.  Demand notes have been written on the
		back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in 
		Pittsburgh, on an envelope bearing the name and address of another 
		in Detroit, and in East Hartford, Conn., on the back of a 
		withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

    	4. Beware of dangerous vegetables.  A man in White Plains, N.Y., tried
		to hold up a bank with a zucchini.  The police captured him at his 
		house, where he showed them his "weapon."

    	5. Avoid being fussy.  A robber in Panorama City, Cal., gave a teller a
		note saying, "I have a gun.  Give me all your twenties in this 
		envelope."  The teller said, "All I've got is two twenties."  The 
		robber took them and left.

    	6. Don't advertise.  A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury
		ointment on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. 
		Actually, it accentuated his features, giving authorities a much 
		clearer picture.  Bank robbers in Minnesota and California tried to 
		create a diversion by throwing stolen money out of the windows of 
		their cars. They succeeded only in drawing attention to themselves.

    	7. Take right turns only.  Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida
		who took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base.  
		They drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was 
		a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

    	8. Provide your own transportation.  It is not clever to borrow the teller's 
		car, which she carefully described to police.  This resulted in the
		most quickly solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.

    	9. Don't be too sensitive.  In these days of exploding dye packs, stuffing 
		the cash into your pants can lead to embarrassing stains, Clark
		points out,not to mention severe burns in sensitive places--as 
		bandits in San Diego and Boston painfully discovered.

   	10. Consider another line of work.  One nervous Newport, R.I., robber, while
		trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot
		himself in the head and died instantly.  Then there was the case of 
		the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told 
		him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the 
		police arrived.

	In view of such ineptitude, it is not surprising that in 1978 and 1979,
	for example, federal and state officers made arrests in 69 percent of the
	bank holdups reported.

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