New Net Crisis for release April 1, 1997 Special advisory to e-citizens: President William Jefferson Clinton and Vice President Al "Macarena" Gore jointly announced that a major crisis has arisen on the Internet. The National Bureau of Standards and the Federal Reserve Board have calculated that all jokes and parodies that can be developed, have already been released, and there is no more new humor available for Internet circulation. Bill Gates, 2nd most powerful American, announced that Microsoft would be recirculating all old jokes from their corporate repository. "We had intended to issue this as a 'Microhumor' CD, Mr. Gates announced, but in view of this national crisis, we are recirculating these old chestnuts in the hope that they will amuse once again. Microsoft will ensure that each joke is rated according to age suitability. President Clinton praised the generosity of Mr. Gates and said that "decent Americans everywhere will pray silently that new humor can be developed soon, and spread over the Net. In the meantime, as we have always done in time of crisis, the Federal government will work diligently to avoid a humor gap." Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott observed that this was the sort of thing that the Democrat party always did: use up all resources without knowing how to replace them. He observed that a strong national defense was even more important at such times. Long time Senator Strom Thurmond asked "What's the Internet, son?"

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