Noah's Ark - A Modern Tale




     	And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it 
	rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people 
	are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind 
	of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark," said 
	the Lord.

	And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.

     	"OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.  "Six 
	months, and it starts to rain" thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark 
	completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time."

     	And six months passed.

     	The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah 
	was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.

     	"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into 
	the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.

     	"Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big 
	problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction 
	project, and your plans didn't meet Code. So I had to hire an engineer to 
	redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark 
	needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected claiming I was 
	violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a 
	variance from the city planning commission.

     	"Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was 
	a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl.

     	Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to 
	negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before 
	anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.  Now we got 16 carpenters going on 
	the  boat, and still no owls.

     	"Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights 
	group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind.  Just when I got 
	the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without 
	filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed Flood.

     	Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood 
	plain. I sent them a globe.

     	And the IRS (The tax authorities) has seized all my assets claiming I'm 
	trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice 
	from the state about owing some kind of use tax.

     	"I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five 
	years," Noah wailed.

     	The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the 
	sky.  Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the 
	earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.

     	"Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its 
	advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far worse 
	than a Flood. Something Man invented himself."

     	"What's that?" asked Noah.

     	There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke:

     	"Government."






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