Why are Men Such Jerks?

    Why are men such jerks?

    It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men
    suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average
    lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just
    from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)?  Hormone modifies
    behavior. We're just misunderstood.

    Why do men always have to ogle at other women?

    Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all
    the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you?
    Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not
    getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic
    memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later
    reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our
    memory by staring as much as we can.

    Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?

    We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy.
    It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added

    Why do men always say such stupid things?

    We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner
    frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

    Why are men so uncommunicative?

    You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it
    you get into trouble with your partner.

    Why do men have to act like such retards?

    Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's
    the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much
    of the world nowadays.

    Why can't men just share their feelings?

    Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men
    and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when
    we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme
    emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no
    idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to
    figure out how I feel.

    Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?

    Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you
    as much as we can, but who the heck (besides women) can stand lying
    around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam...
    Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses
    for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.

    How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?

    Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution
    that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting
    tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot
    for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more
    successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended
    periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The
    figgidy types were all gobbled up by saber
    toothed tigers etcetera. The end result is that almost all modern men
    are born with this innate ability.

    Why can't men just say "I love you?"

    Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say
    that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men
    consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own
    character faults.

    Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?

    Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure
    fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works
    quite well.

    What does it mean when men say "I Love You?"

    1. Please sleep with me.
    2. I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
    3. I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
    4. Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
    5. What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
    6. Stop nagging me.
    7. What do I have to do to get a beer around here?

    Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?

    We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of
    your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you
    will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy
    for other things.

    Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?

    Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know
    darn well you'll pick it up.

    What's with all the belching and farting?

    This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let
    you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's
    actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods
    of time gives us stomach cramps.

    Why do men hate shopping?

    It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go
    out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to
    look at things we have no intention of killing? err... Buying?

    Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?

    Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet
    seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet
    seat is a function of the time spent peeing over the time spent
    sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the
    proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat.
    Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that
    have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually
    lift the darn thing. We aim to please.

    Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?

    Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are
    generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun
    and doing exciting things. They don't walk around with the weight of
    the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for
    being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the
    ones they don't get). What more could any of us males ask for?

    Why do men act like they own the remote control?

    What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths of the law.
    Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just
    anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote
    control is to arm wrestle for it.

    Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?

    Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next channel?
    We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See also:
    Why do men fear commitment?)

    Why do men fear commitment?

    Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means
    and can spell it correctly. It's like an automobile. No matter how
    good you think this year's model is, they're always coming out with
    newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be
    expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit
    and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least with
    a car, there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It
    simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger...
    err... I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of them come
    with fun extras like dual air bags.

    What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a relationship
    right now" or "I don't want a girl friend?"

    It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so
    that we want to see you repeatedly.

    What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"

    Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically
    repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide
    adequate protection.

    Do all men really masturbate?

    Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from
    our most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on to our sons.

    Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?

    Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition,
    and environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)

    Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial coordinate motor

    It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice... (See
    also: Do all men really masterbate?)

    Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?

    As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed
    with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men
    are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some
    people are always going to be left out. I don't see anyone screaming
    about equal treatment for the stupid people either.

    Why do men like younger women?

    Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're
    easily impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and come with very
    little baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies.

    Why do men only have one thing on their minds?

    While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may
    only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots
    of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get
    hungry quite often.

    How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever
    do you see in that fat pig)?

    Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you
    are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you
    lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled by this one
    myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent
    bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should love us despite
    our inherent weakness.

    Why are men such dogs?

    I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and

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