Internet vs. Interstate


There it is again.  Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information 
Superhighway."  They don't know anything about the net.  It's NOTHING 
like a Superhighway.  That's a BAD metaphor.

Yeah, but suppose the metaphor ran in the OTHER direction.  Suppose 
the HIGHWAYS were like the NET.  All right!  Severe craziness.  A 
highway HUNDREDS of lanes wide.  Most with potholes.  Privately 
operated bridges and overpasses.  No highway patrol.  A couple of 
rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles.  500 member VIGILANTE 
POSSES with nuclear weapons.  237 ON RAMPS at every intersection.  NO 
SIGNS.  Wanna get to Ensenada?  Holler out the window at a passing 
truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic laws.  Some lanes would VOTE 
to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a CAPITAL OFFENSE on Monday 
through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00.  Other lanes would just SHOOT 
you without a trial for talking on a car phone.

AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA victims 
and a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it.  Throwing DEAD WOMBATS 
and rotten cabbage at the other cars most of which have been ASSEMBLED 
AT HOME from kits.  Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER ENGINES with a 
top speed of nine miles an hour.  Others burn NITROGLYCERINE and IDLE 
at 120.

No license tags.  World War II BOMBER NOSE ART instead.  Terrifying 
paintings of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES.  Bumper mounted MACHINE 
GUNS.  Flip somebody the finger on this highway and get a WHITE
PHOSPHORUS GRENADE up your tailpipe.  Flatbed trucks with 
ANTI-AIRCRAFT MISSILE BATTERIES to shoot down the WTCX Traffic Watch 
helicopter.  A little kid on a tricycle with a squirt gun filled with 
HYDROCHLORIC ACID.

NO OFFRAMPS.

Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system.






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