Hamlet vs. the GRE
Hamlet's Soliloquy (updated version)
by Cabe Franklin
To GRE or not to GRE, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler, in the grind, to suffer
The slings and arrows of a "real world" fortune
Or take Kaplan against a sea of testing
And by applying end them. To apply, 'tis cheap
No more - and yet 'tis cheap to say we defer
Our student loan payments, and the thousand hidden costs
The grad is heir to. 'Tis matriculation
Devoutly to be wished. To apply, 'tis cheap...
'Tis cheap, and self-esteem: Ay, there's the rub!
For in those hallowed halls what `steem may come
When we have blow'ed off this admin toil
Must give us pause. So - it's Respect
That makes uncertainty of this young life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of Time
(The addresser's wrong), the pre-med's contumely,
The pangs of despised internships, the roommate's rent check's delay,
The insolence of cubicles, and the Janes
Who find some merit in these unworthy Jakes
When he himself might his own quietus make
With a fifty buck application fee? Who wouldn't this process bear,
Just call for recs to ditch a weary life,
But that the threat of something after grad school--
The undiscover'd thesis, whose author's calls
No publisher returns - heightens the bill,
And makes us rather bear the loans we have
Than fly to others we know not of?
Thus balance doth make Bach'lors of us all,
And the plaintive hew of revolution
Is sal'ried over, with a veil cast on thought,
And youngsters of great mirth and portent
In disregard instead avert their eyes
And lose the name of degree candidate. Soft ye now!
The friendly valet! Jetta Trek, in thy driver's seat
Be all my C-minuses remember'd.
Back to Lori's Humor Page
Back to Lori's Home Page