Forrest Gump in Heaven


    The day finally arrived:  Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.  He is met at 
    the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself.  The gates are closed, however, and 
    Forest approaches the gatekeeper.  Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's 
    certainly good to see you.  We have heard a lot about you.  I must inform 
    you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an 
    entrance examination for everyone.  The tests are fairly short, but you need 
    to pass before you can get  into Heaven."

    Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here, Saint Peter.  I was looking 
    forward to this.  Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams.  Shore hope 
    the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

    Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest.  But, the test I have for you is 
    only three questions.  Here is the first: What days of the week begin with 
    the letter 'T'?  Second, how many seconds are there in a year?  Third, what 
    is God's first name?"

    Forest goes away to think the questions over.  He returns the next day and 
    goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions.  Saint Peter 
    waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to think the 
    questions over, tell me your answers."

    Forest says, "Well, the first one, -how many days of the week begin with the 
    letter 'T'?  Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow!"  The 
    saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forest! That's not what I was 
    thinking, but ... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, 
    so I give you credit for that answer."

    "How about the next one" says Saint Peter, "how many seconds in a year?" 
    "Now that one's harder," says Forest.  "But, I thunk and thunk about that, 
    and I guess the only answer can be twelve."  Astounded, Saint Peter says, 
    "Twelve!  Twelve!  Forest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with 
    twelve seconds in a year?"  Forest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: 
    January second, February second,March second....."

    "Hold it," interrupts Saint Peter.  "I see where you're going with it.  And 
    I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.  I'll 
    give you credit for that one too."  "Let's go on with the next and final 
    question," says Saint Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"

    Forest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name.  Everbody probly knows 
    it.  It's Howard."  "Howard?" asks Saint Peter.  "What makes you think it's 
    'Howard'?"

    Forest answers, "It's in the prayer."  "The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, 
    "Which prayer?"

    "The Lord's Prayer," responds Forest: "Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard 
    be thy name...."





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