Forrest Gump in Heaven
The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at
the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and
Forest approaches the gatekeeper. Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's
certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform
you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an
entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need
to pass before you can get into Heaven."
Forest responds, "It shore is good to be here, Saint Peter. I was looking
forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope
the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forest. But, the test I have for you is
only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with
the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what
is God's first name?"
Forest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and
goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer the exam questions. Saint Peter
waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to think the
questions over, tell me your answers."
Forest says, "Well, the first one, -how many days of the week begin with the
letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow!" The
saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forest! That's not what I was
thinking, but ... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify,
so I give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one" says Saint Peter, "how many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forest. "But, I thunk and thunk about that,
and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, Saint Peter says,
"Twelve! Twelve! Forest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with
twelve seconds in a year?" Forest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve:
January second, February second,March second....."
"Hold it," interrupts Saint Peter. "I see where you're going with it. And
I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind. I'll
give you credit for that one too." "Let's go on with the next and final
question," says Saint Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"
Forest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name. Everbody probly knows
it. It's Howard." "Howard?" asks Saint Peter. "What makes you think it's
Forest answers, "It's in the prayer." "The prayer?" asks Saint Peter,
"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forest: "Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard
be thy name...."
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