Letters to Dear Abby



 DEAR ABBY: A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
 middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her
 mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I've never
 seen a man go into  their apartment or come out. Do you think they
 could be Lebanese?
 
 CURIOUS
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
 My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the
 morning too.  I told him he should get himself a hobby, and he says that
 is his hobby.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not
 even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the
 pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
 should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss
 money with him.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I
 confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would
 never happen again.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor?
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
 raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get
 out?
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour
 every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
 until one night he came home sober.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift?
 I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
 mental pause.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 I met this nice guy who was in the service. He's the chief petting
 officer.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 .... Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in
 sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex
 years ago and he is a doctor.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 ....This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband
 said "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
 each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but
 he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just
 for what he can get?
 
 GERTIE
 
 DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: My husband hates to spend money! I cut my own hair and
 make my own clothes, and I have to account for every nickel I spend.
 Meanwhile he has a stock of savings bonds put away that would choke a
 cow. How do I get some money out of him before we are both called to
 our final judgment? He says he's saving for a rainy day.
 
 FORTY YEARS HITCHED
 
 DEAR HITCHED: Tell him it's raining!
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd
 like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think
 he'd like?
 
 CAROL
 
 DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
 
 KAY
 
 DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
 had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me,
 can a baby this big be that early?
 
 WONDERING
 
 DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much?
 
 CURIOUS
 
 DEAR CURIOUS: No, it's the last thing I want to do.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the
 same time?
 
 JAKE
 
 DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
 he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
 
 ANNIE
 
 DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if
 he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
 can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
 
 SAM IN CAL.
 
 DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?
 
 TED
 
 DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, "I've
 heard a lot about you"?
 
 RITA
 
 DEAR RITA: It depends on what you've heard.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
 age with no bad habits.
 
 ROSE
 
 DEAR ROSE: So would I.
 
  ---------------------------
 
 DEAR ABBY: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
 
 BESS
 
 DEAR BESS: Night and day.
 





Back to Lori's Humor Page
Back to Lori's Home Page