The Corporate Zodiac
Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday.
The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us
what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you
watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job
title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree
to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on
drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job
responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without
a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone
calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact
with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You
seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are
instead content to completely control everything that happens at your
workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but
who the hell can tell?! It is written that the Geeks shall inherit
ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school,
it is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by
engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically
full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know
what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"...
ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are
mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in
the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits,
the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely
HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the
organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than
marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have
to get a haircut, have lunch, AND mail a letter!
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/ DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/ "TEAM LEADS": Catty,
cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at
your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single
decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you
can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle
Managers", as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager".
SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you
are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life.
Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by
the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to
marry other "Senior Managers", as everyone in your social circle is a
CUSTOMER SERVICE (and TECHNICAL SUPPORT) : Bright, cheery, positive,
you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child
very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room
and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service".
Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep
with your manager.
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