Definitions of Basic Cooking Terms


tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses
	the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and
	fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste
	exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and 
	squid.

recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients 
	you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the 
	dog won't eat.

porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children 
	were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an
	amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before 
	cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food 
	is put in, as well as when it is removed.

oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of
	meat and poultry.

microwave oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of 
	radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within
	the cooking compartment.

calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by
	the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a
	particular food.

arab coffee: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in
	tiny cups at gunpoint.




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