AOL Hacker Turnaround
NOTE FROM LORI: I don't think the poor kid is still on AOL anymore
(or if he is, I think he changed his username). If I am wrong, please
don't hound him. He seems to have learned his lesson the hard way
Read Newfpyr's masterful turning of the tables on a hacker...
Certainly one of the best Absurd IMs we've EVER received! Newfpyr's
comments are in brackets throughout.
Zabu451:Hello from America Online! I'm sorry to inform you that there
has been an error in the I/O section of your account database, and this
this server's password information has been temporarily destroyed. We
need you, the AOL user, to hit reply and type in your password. Thank
you for your help.
Newfpyr:Hello! This is Server Manager #563. I'm sorry to hear that
your server has lost the password info. I mean, this has been hapening
to much lately.
NewfPyr:We have developed some solutions to this problem. Have you got
the mail sent out to all server managers?
NewfPyr:Really? Ouch. There's been some problems with the server mailer
lately. Oh, well. Here's a solution to this problem: try connecting your
backup database to your main I/O port, then accessing the system restart.
Zabu451:no i still need passwords
NewfPyr:I see. Do you want me to send you the list of all the passwords
of all the screen names of your server?
Zabu451:ya i want that
NewfPyr:Let me get the server manager to send it...
NewfPyr:He says I need your server manager password. Could you please
type it in?
Zabu451:i dont have one
NewfPyr:What do you mean? That's the first thing every manager gets!
NewfPyr:Wow! You must be having a lot of trouble. Let me find out what
server you're using...
[Note: I checked his profile. It said he was from Springfield, Mass.]
NewfPyr:Okay, you're number has been tracked to an area in Springfield,
Zabu451:how did u know?!!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!!
NewfPyr:I used Server Tracker 5.0 . Don't you have it?
Zabu451:do you know my address!?!?!?!!?!?
NewfPyr:Of course not.
NewfPyr:I only know the number you're calling AOL from, which is from
your server, right?
NewfPyr:Good. Okay, now that we have you're number, we have you're
address, and we are sending a repair team over there.
Zabu451:dont stop them now
NewfPyr:Why? Isn't your server down?
Zabu451:nonono its working now
NewfPyr:They're still coming, just in case.
Zabu451:STOP THEM NOW
NewfPyr:I can't break AOL Polacy.
Zabu451:POEPLE ARE COMING TO MY HOUSE?!?!?!?!??
NewfPyr:No! To your server. You know, where you're calling AOL from.
Zabu451:im calling from my house
NewfPyr:But you said you where calling from the server!
Zabu451:i lied im not reely a server guy
NewfPyr:But you said you were!
Zabu451:i lied i trying to get passwords please make them stop
NewfPyr:Okay. The repair team isn't coming anymore.
NewfPyr:But a team of FBI agents is.
Zabu451:ill never do it again please make them not come
Zabu451:PLEASE IL STOP ASKING FOR PASSWORDS FOREVER PLEASE MAKE THEM
NewfPyr:I'm sorry, I can't do that. They should be at your house in
Zabu451:IM SORRY IL DO ANYTHING PLEASE I DONT WANT THEM TO HURT ME
NewfPyr:They won't hurt you! You'll probobly only spend a year of
Zabu451:NO IM ONLY A KID
NewfPyr:You are? That makes it diferent. You wont go to prison for a
Zabu451:i thout so
NewfPyr:You'll go for two years.
Zabu451:NO! IM SORRY
Zabu451:PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP
[I thought this was enough. He was probably wetting his pants.]
NewfPyr:Since this was a first time offense, I think I can drop charges.
NewfPyr:The FBI agents have been withdrawn. If you ever do it again,
we'll bump you off.
Zabu451:i wont im sorry goodbye
[He promptly signed off.]
One of the RARE RARE occasions that we've actually felt sorry for the
hacker. SEVENTY FIVE TOKENS to you, NewfPyr! We're STILL laughing -
thanks a lot!
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