The 9 Types of Girlfriends


Ms. Nice Guy
	"Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
	Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, 
		Doormat
	Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
	Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller
	"You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-a** no-talent son of a b***h! 
		Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
	Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from 
		Hell
	Advantages: Pays attention to you
	Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly
	"Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
	Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
	Advantages: Predictable
	Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser
	"Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your 
		job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
	Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and 
		Chain,  Yes Mom
	Advantages: Often right
	Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied
	"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair 
		color?"
	Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
	Advantages: Easily soothed
	Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control
	"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I 
		done it before. S'fun."
	Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
	Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
	Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy
	"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering 
		at."
	Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, 
		Iceberg, Snarly
	Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
	Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars
	"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our 
		relationship."
	Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, 
		Artistic
	Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
	Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl
	"I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome 
		genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like 
		crazed weasels now!" 
	Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
	Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
	Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you







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