The 9 Types of Boyfriends

Joe Sensitive
 	"After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
	Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled 
		Egg, Snugglepup
	Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
	Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy

Old Man Grumpus
	"People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and 
		watch TV."
	Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow 
		Mover, Jerk
	Advantages: Stays put; predictable
	Disadvantages: Royal pain in the a**

Flinchy
	"I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
	Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
	Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
	Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle

Bigfoot
	"Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
	Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, 
		Big 'n' Dumb
	Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
	Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig

Lazybones
	"Zzzzzz"
	Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug 
		Addict
	Advantages: Well rested; easy target
	Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams

The Sneak
	"Who, me?"
	Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a B***h 
	Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
	Disadvantages: May be having time of his life

Ace of Hearts
	"After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
	Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
	Advantages: Perpetually aroused
	Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused

The Dreamer
	"Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
	Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
	Advantages: Tells good stories
	Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"

Mr. Right
	"While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed 
		weasels in my new yacht, ok?"
	Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
	Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
	Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction