Dating in the 90s

(How to not get in trouble)

Please have the following INJECTION CERTIFICATE notarized 

	This is to certify that I, ____________________________, the undersigned, being 
	a female about to enjoy sexual relations with Mr. _____________________________,
	am above the age of legal consent, in my right mind, and in possession of a 
	sound body certify the following, to wit:

	1. I am not under the influence of any narcotics, liquor, or other substance that 
		might impair my senses during the act of coitus. 

	2. The gentleman in question will not have to use force, threats or promises of 
		any kind to induce me, as I will assume all the necessary positions with 
		a clear mind and of my own free will. 

	3. I don't give a damn about his marital status: I will capitulate. 

	4. I have no fear of him and will not bite, kick fight, scratch or use any other 
		force to ward him off (unless, of course he desires it). 

	5. I am not asleep or drunk and am entering into this act, because I love it as 
		much as he does -- or will.

	6. I assume all responsibilities for damage to any bed sheets, torn pillow cases, 
		broken bed springs, and any other articles that may become damaged as the 
		result of pleasurable use.

	7. I will not cry, grunt, or scream so loud that everyone in the neighborhood 
		will hear me.

	8. I expect during intercourse to be bounced around, that is to receive all that 
		is coming to me; to stand or lie in any position that he may deem 
		necessary for the betterment of the sexual connection; to sit, squeeze, 
		pull, tighten, or loosen any thing he determines to be important and 
		beneficial to a better relationship with him.

 	9. I will never under any circumstances appear as a witness against him or 
		prosecute him in any way as the result of the culmination of this sexual 

	Signed before going to bed this _____ day, ______________, 19_____. 

	NAME:_______________________; ADDRESS___________________________ PHONE:__________

	Personally appeared before me _________________________________ who swears and 
	affirms that the above is her signature, given this day freely and without 
	purpose of evasion or mental reservation. 

								Notary Public    

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