20 Things We Have Learned From the Movies
1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip joint at least once.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit
level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in
the control tower to talk you down.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
5. Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the
price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
6. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
7. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
8. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
9. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump
into will know all the steps.
10. Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut.
You will always choose the right one.
11. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
12. Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become
prostitutes or welders.
13. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one
by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
knocked out their predecessors.
14. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total
16. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
17. Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future children
but to you, right there and then.
18. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on
nuclear fission at the age of 22.
19. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days
before their retirement.
20. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies
using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly
gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at
least 20 minutes to escape.
21. When looking through binoculars, you will always see everything through a
figure eight shape.
22. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
23. A slight blow to the head is usually enough to cause amnesia.
24. Restaurant bills will always be 15% less than the amount you are holding in
25. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
26. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
27. No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or
alien invasion will ever go into shock.
28. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite
laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
29. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
30. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless
it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
31. In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the end-of-class
32. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally
at that precise moment.
33. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets just throw the gun
away. You can always buy a new one.
34. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours
to finish the job.
35. During a murder investigation lasting several weeks it will not be necessary for
detectives to go home at any time to eat, sleep, shave or change their clothes.
36. If a killer is lurking in you house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a
bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon - then look in your bathroom
mirror and he will suddenly appear behind you.
37. Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
38. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
39. Most dogs are immortal.
40. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
41. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
42. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
43. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will
ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part
of the building you want without difficulty.
44. If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if
you haven't been carrying any before now.
45. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake
of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
46. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
47. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the
mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art
48. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
49. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
50. The Chief of Police is always black.
51. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just
grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
52. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the
53. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should
open the fridge door and use that light instead.
54. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in
their most revealing underwear.
55. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter
56. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning
even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
57. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
58. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
59. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
60. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of
our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
61. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
62. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
63. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so
you know exactly when they're going to go off.
64. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting
damage to an eight year old child.
65. If you wear glasses and something unbelievable happens, it is always nessasary
to take off your glasses so you can see the event more clearly.
66. If you are the good guy or the bad guy and you get into a horrible car accident
you will walk away with minor lacerations.
67. If you are a bad guy and you blow up the earth there will still be stragglers
to rebuild civilization.
68. If you are a hacker, expert or novice, and you break into a computer system
you must say "Were in!" or "I'm in!" very enthusiastically and as if
you've never broke into one before.
69. If you are ever in a bar fight it is your obligation to throw somebody out the
70. You can always guess a password on a high security system by the fifth attempt -
the password is always displayed to the screen - always in really big
letters so everyone around can see you type it in.
71. Good will always win. If you're a nice crook on the run - you'll get away. If
you're a bad crook, you'll get caught. If you're a good cop you'll catch
all the bad guys.
72. Whenever there is a huge explosion and/or fire, running away, and falling onto
the ground (in slow motion with at least six different camera angles
showing the same shot several times) will only give you slight soot marks to
73. No other countries have specially trained military personnel
74. While most children are deathly afraid of what's in thier closets at night,
they show no fear of 6ft tall talking turtles, dinosaurs, or large toothed
75. It is always necessary to prominently display product names when you use one
76. A bomb cannot be disarmed with greater than 5 secs left before it goes off
77. Coroner and lab reports take minutes instead of weeks.
78. It doesn't matter that you broke the axle of your car jumping off that bridge,
your car will still run fine.
79. Heavy smokers can run like the wind yet never get tired or out of breath.
80. People in the movies can go days without eating, sleeping, bathing, or trips to
81. Even though an explosion appears miles in the distance, the sound of it is
82. It doesn't matter that there is no medium to conduct sound in the vacuum of
space -- spacecraft whizzing by, lasers going off, and large explosions
will still produce sound.
83. Even the most junior of millitary personnel have absolute knowledge of all
defensive and offensive tactics.