50 Fun Things to Do in Class

    1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by
       waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"
    2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus
       the overhead projector.
    3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth
       into sharp points.
    4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
    5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my
       name, don't wear it out!"
    6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan
    7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his
       soul would go if he died tomorrow.
    8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak
    9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
   10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks.
       In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask
       whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
   11. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the
       professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
   12. Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare
       your intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.
   13. Sing your questions.
   14. Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.
   15. When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S
       MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
   16. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li.
       If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir
       Fernandez O'Reilly.
   17. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing
   18. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.
   19. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR
   20. Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a
       friend bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.
   21. Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occassionally lick
       your lips.
   22. Address the professor as "your excellency".
   23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if
       he's been drinking.
   24. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
   25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on
       your face.
   26. Ask whether you have to come to class.
   27. Present the professor with a large fruit basket.
   28. Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.
   29. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle
       haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't
       understand you.
   30. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the
       chalkboard erasers.
   31. Watch the professor through binoculars.
   32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
   33. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat
       beside you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
   34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH!
       MY EYES!"
   35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation
       of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
   36. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis
       and snickering.
   37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on
       the board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to
       do so anyway.
   38. Claim that you wrote the class text book.
   39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects,
       jump up and scream "IMPOSTER!"
   40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
   41. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write
       "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing
        it around the room.
   42. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat
       after the professor answers.
   43. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S
       stands for "stud".
   44. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you
       spell that?"
   45. Disassemble your pen. "Accidently" propel pieces across the
       room while playing with the spring. Go on
       furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.
   46. Wink at the professor every few minutes.
   47. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he
       believes in ghosts.
   48. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you
   49. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
   50. Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the
       blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because
       you can't see Macedonia.

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