Top 45 Reasons Not to Have Sex

	1. The pitter patter of little feet
	2. Never let 'em see you sweat
	3. Your parents might realize that you're not 12 years old anymore
	4. Naked men
	5. Guilt, guilt, and GUILT
	6. You might like it
	7. Rhenquist, Scalia, Kennedy, Souter, Thomas
	8. Paying back oral sex debts
	9. Only pagans procreate
	10. Castration
	11. You might fall in lust or, Heaven forbid, love
	12. Body hair
	13. Too many lights on in the room
	14. Your roommate and neighbors can't sleep with all that screaming
	15. Axl Rose
	16. Since that nasty little Gulf War, there's no money left for research and
		treatment of those nasty little Sexually Transmitted Diseases
	17. Why bother doing it yourself? Just buy the new Prince album
	18. Pennsylvania Abortion Law
	19. Utah Abortion Law
	20. Alabama Abortion Law
	21. Taking care of the orgasm deficit
	22. Yeast infections
	23. Too sticky
	24. Messes up your hair
	25. Charley Horses
	26. Bladder infections
	27. Cher
	28. "It's only a cold sore"
	29. Photographers with infrared cameras (remember, if it can be seen from a
		public place, it's not private)
	30. Hetero men who ask "Did you come yet?"
	31. SOMEBODY has to sleep in the wet spot
	32. Taking off the jimmy-hat
	33. In horror flicks, people having sex are always the first to be killed by
		axe murderers in hockey masks
	34. The ever popular Eternal Damnation
	35. Smegma
	36. You still live with your parents
	37. You love her but you're not in love with her
	38. Creation of sounds not meant to be emitted by the human body
	39. Drooling
	40. Letters to the Editor
	41. Calling out the wrong name
	42. Potential threat to your political aspirations (unless you're a Kennedy)
	43. Your brother gets home from school at 3:00
	44. No one to have sex with
	45. Carpet burn

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