45 Fun Things to Do on a Paper You Don't Care About

1.  Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with 
    really small fonts. 

2.  Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual. 

3.  Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking 
    them all over the professor's door.

4.  Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your 
    friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada. 

5.  Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant 
    Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have 
    used nunchakus or katanas. 

6.  Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them 
    on the page, ransom-note style. 

7.  End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds". 

8.  Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog 
    from eating it. 

9.  If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do 
    the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if 
    it and the professor are just illusions created by your subconscious. 
    If you do end up writing the paper, write about whether or not the paper 
    actually exists. 

10.  If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was 
     supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right? 

11.  Type gibberish. When you hand it in, claim that your computer crashed 
     while you were printing it, and you couldn't retrieve the original. 

12.  Cite issues of Spiderman and Batman as resources in your bibliography. 

13.  Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the 
     paper and attempting to fly them onto the professor's desk. 

14.  The night before the paper is due, call the professor and explain that 
     you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military 
     information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist 
     that General Schwarzkopf says you should get an 'A'. 

15.  Write your history paper on parchment, using a quill. Say that you 
     were trying to get the feel for the period. 

16.  Turn in a letter your wrote to your cousin. When the teacher confronts 
     you about it, say that you must have gotten the letter and the paper 
     mixed up. Say that you'll turn the paper in as soon as you get it back, 
     but your cousin lives in Siberia, so it might take a while. (This is a 
     nifty way to get an extension.) 

17.  When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for chocolate 
     cake in the middle and see if the professor notices. 

18.  Tell the professor that you need an extension because one of your 
     primary sources is an old wise man in Tibet and he won't see you until 
     the next full moon. 

19.  Paint a large white stripe down the front of your paper. Say that on 
     the way to class, your dropped it in the street and it got run over
     by one of those trucks that paint lines on the road. 

20.  Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by 
     the professor, act like it's nothing unusual. After all, he did tell 
     you to include footnotes. 

21.  Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, 
     perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper 
     and correct all your typos. 

22.  Make a tape of you singing the contents of your paper, opera-style, 
     and hand that in. 

23.  Write your psychology paper on possible genetic anomalies that might 
     cause a person to prefer anchovies. 

24.  Hand your paper in in a sealed envelope with postmarks from several 
     different countries on it. Say that you wanted several different 
     perspectives on your work. 

25.  TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee.. 

26.  Get a large piece of paper or canvas. Smear paint all over it and 
     hand it in as your paper.  Explain that the topic was such an emotional 
     one for you, and that mere words couldn't possibly express what you 
     had to say. 

27.  Compare and contrast the characters of James T. Kirk and Jean-Luc 
     Picard. Claim that one is actually Hamlet, and the other is King Lear. 
     Say that Worf is Ophelia. 

28.  Carve your paper on the bathroom wall. 

29.  Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member 
     of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees 
     caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments. 

30.  Put nonsense words down as quotes. Say that you are quoting the words 
     of a well-known Zen master who was speaking in tongues at the time. 

31.  Use a forklift to bring your paper to class, even if it's only a few 
     pages. Explain that it involved some very heavy reading. 

32.  Poke several holes in the paper. Say that you were mobbed by crows 
     on the way to class. 

33.  Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. 
     Say that that was all the paper you had. 

34.  Write about whether Plato would have said that Miller Light is "less 
     filling" or that it "tastes great". Also explain why Aristotle would 
     have taken the opposite view. Try to predict both philosphers' 
     reactions to Spuds McKensie. 

35.  Draw pictures of your professor in the margins. 

36.  Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages 
     and pages and pages; use alot of semi-colons, commas, and other 
     interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks [(for example), an interesting 
     one: the colon_] but never ever end the sentence {[_-\|/??!]}. 

37.  Staple a picture of an academic building to the paper. Cite the 
     picture as a resource. 

38.  On the day the paper is due, skip into class, waving the paper and 
     screaming, "I have a paper! I have a paper!". Run around the class 
     a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, 
     "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all
     through the period, or until the prof throws you out. 

39.  Come to class leading a horse or camel. When asked to turn in the 
     paper, take it out of one of the saddlebags, then shoot the 
     horse/camel/whatever away. Refuse to discuss it. 

40.  Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. 
     For example, claim that abnormal amounts of neutrino activity in 
     Germany caused Hitler to invade France, or that the Roman empire 
     collapsed because of a shortage of qualified botanists. 

41.  Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For 
     example, call George Washington "Georgie". Call Ben Franklin "Sparky". 

42.  Pwetend you have a speech impediment and awways type w's whenevew 
     you weawwy want to type r's ow l's. 

43.  Ol, switch alound arr the l's and r's in youl papel, rike Monty 
     Python did in Queen Erizabeth the Thild. 

44.  When your prof asks for an outline of your paper, draw the outline 
     of the piece of paper you typed it on and hand it in. 

45.  Spill a martini on your sociology paper. Say that you wrote it in 
     a bar so that you could see "sociology in action". 

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