352 Tips for Moms


HINT #001: Cut off the crusts.
HINT #002: Make real cocoa.
HINT #003: Hang their drawings on the fridge.
HINT #004: Say the clay ashtray is what you always wanted.
HINT #005: Sing silly songs.
HINT #006: Make goofy faces.
HINT #007: Let them take off the training wheels.
HINT #008: Remind the Tooth Fairy about inflation.
HINT #009: Buy a good stain remover.
HINT #010: Let them keep the kitten.
HINT #011: Remember when YOU misbehaved.
HINT #012: If you don't know, say so.
HINT #013: Let grandma spoil them.
HINT #014: Let them stay up just a little bit longer.
HINT #015: Lock up the good china.
HINT #016: Tickle.
HINT #017: Be a good sport.
HINT #018: Be a good friend.
HINT #019: Smile when your mother-in-law gives you advice.
HINT #020: ALL mothers are working mothers.
HINT #021: Ultimatums don't work.
HINT #022: Bribes work.
HINT #023: Hysteria will get you nowhere.
HINT #024: Their first summer at camp is murder.
HINT #025: Let them lick the spoon.
HINT #026: Learn lots of lullabies.
HINT #027: Breastfeeding in public goes over better in Europe.
HINT #028: Learn to handle sleep deprivation.
HINT #029: Have an answer ready for "Where do babies come from?"
HINT #030: Don't flinch when they grow taller than you.
HINT #031: Going to college don't mean they won't come back.
HINT #032: Don't teach them to parallel park.
HINT #033: Be consistent.
HINT #034: Think quick.
HINT #035: Improvise.
HINT #036: Sympathize.
HINT #037: Remember: It's just a phase.
HINT #038: "Wait till your father gets home" is a cop-out.
HINT #039: "Because I said so" is a good reason.
HINT #040: Never tell them how much they'll inherit.
HINT #041: Teach them four precious words: "We can't afford it.".
HINT #042: Carry Wash'n Dri.
HINT #043: Smile when you change that diaper.
HINT #044: It's absolutely okay to say "No".
HINT #045: Buy chunky peanut butter in jumbo jars.
HINT #046: Run a credit line at the toy store.
HINT #047: Forget suede.
HINT #048: Teachers ARE underpaid.
HINT #049: Learn the rules of football.
HINT #050: Teach them to write thank you notes.
HINT #051: Your teenage daughter WILL find you embarrassing.
HINT #052: Cheese food is not cheese.
HINT #053: Thirteen is too late to put them up for adoption.
HINT #054: Potty training builds character (yours).
HINT #055: Sibling rivalry builds character (theirs).
HINT #056: Worry, worry, worry.
HINT #057: Childbirth is not for wimps.
HINT #058: Stretch marks are a badge of honor.
HINT #059: Half your brain leaves with the placenta.
HINT #060: Donate pre-pregnancy jeans to charity.
HINT #061: Don't read the label on baby formula.
HINT #062: With luck, they'll call you once a week when they leave
HINT #063: With luck, they won't call collect.
HINT #064: With luck, they'll pay for their own therapy when grown
HINT #065: No matter what, they'll always be your babies.
HINT #066: The older they get, the wiser you'll seem.
HINT #067: Just when you've got them figured out, they change.
HINT #068: Kiss it an make it better.
HINT #069: Make ice cube popsicles.
HINT #070: If you promised, do it.
HINT #071: Watch what you promise.
HINT #072: When in doubt, say "We'll see."
HINT #073: Bunk beds are cool.
HINT #074: You'll sometimes act just like YOUR mother.
HINT #075: Buy Permapress.
HINT #076: Use the honor system.
HINT #077: You can only shoot so much videotape.
HINT #078: Pose good questions.
HINT #079: Colic happens.
HINT #080: Cowlicks happen.
HINT #081: Look what being a martyr got Joan of Arc.
HINT #082: A dishwasher is not a luxury.
HINT #083: The new math is harder than the old math.
HINT #084: Let's hear it for leftovers.
HINT #085: Don't leave their teddy bear behind.
HINT #086: Learn to make daisy chains.
HINT #087: Not everyone can be a valedictorian.
HINT #088: They're never too old to scold.
HINT #089: They're never too big to hug.
HINT #090: They're never too smart to receive some good advice.
HINT #091: They're never too rich to take home your leftovers.
HINT #092: Don't remind your grown son you changed his diapers.
HINT #093: If they grow up to be doctors, take the credit.
HINT #094: If they grow up to be lawyers, don't take the blame.
HINT #095: If they become pro-athletes, take the house & car.
HINT #096: If they become politicians they were switched at birth.
HINT #097: Don't teach the kids your fear of bugs.
HINT #098: Take them to a petting zoo.
HINT #099: Don't use a pediatrician who isn't a parent.
HINT #100: You can never have too many Kleenex.
HINT #101: Reserve the New Year's Eve babysitter on January 2.
HINT #102: You can blame just about anything on teething.
HINT #103: Some of the great minds of our time were bed wetters.
HINT #104: Let someone else break the news about Santa Claus.
HINT #105: Not everyone can win the Pillsbury Bake-Off.
HINT #106: Iodine really DOES sting.
HINT #107: Mother's Day comes but once a year--milk it.
HINT #108: Adjust allowances for cost of living.
HINT #109: Cookie dough is better than cookies.
HINT #110: Don't let the kids forget Father's Day.
HINT #111: Tie their mittens together.
HINT #112: When they say they've got to go, stop!
HINT #113: An unmade bed is easier to get into.
HINT #114: Prove there's no monster under the bed.
HINT #115: Hugs are the antidotes to nightmares.
HINT #116: Don't put their favorite blankie in the wash.
HINT #117: Disney World is not optional.
HINT #118: A little fast food never killed anyone.
HINT #119: They already know more about computers than you do.
HINT #120: Even George Bush didn't eat his broccoli.
HINT #121: Teach the kids to recycle.
HINT #122: Someday your son will love another woman.
HINT #123: When they leave home, you'll actually miss them.
HINT #124: Whatever your age, you're too young to be a grandma.
HINT #125: The more they tease you, the more you're loved.
HINT #126: Always make their favorite dish when they visit.
HINT #127: Believe it or not, SATs aren't everything.
HINT #128: Yes, it's important they wear what their friends wear.
HINT #129: Teenagers are SUPPOSED to dress goofy.
HINT #130: Yes, we're all tired of dinosaurs.
HINT #131: Anyone can make a secret special sauce.
HINT #132: Buy them a globe.
HINT #133: Socks and underwear are not gifts.
HINT #134: Ear thermometers beat rectal any day.
HINT #135: Hide old toys and reintroduce them next week.
HINT #136: Bribe the babysitter with Hagen-Dazs.
HINT #137: No matter what, your son will wind up with a toy gun.
HINT #138: No matter what, your daughter will want Barbie.
HINT #139: No matter what, you will memorize GOOD NIGHT MOON.
HINT #140: Puberty was hell for you too.
HINT #141: They'll always bring home their laundry.
HINT #142: Courage.
HINT #143: Grace doesn't count unless it's under pressure.
HINT #144: Many geniuses were late bloomers.
HINT #145: When you retire, feel free to spend their inheritance.
HINT #146: Hold their hands during vaccinations.
HINT #147: Look encouraging at the dentist.
HINT #148: Don't give your son a crew cut.
HINT #149: "Bambi" is too scary for five-year olds.
HINT #150: Froot Loops are NOT a balanced meal.
HINT #151: Yes, they need all sixty-four Crayolas.
HINT #152: No, they can't have a pony.
HINT #153: Chicken soup couldn't hurt.
HINT #154: Keep the cookie jar full.
HINT #155: Tuck them in.
HINT #156: Add sound effects to the bedtime story.
HINT #157: No, they REALLY can't have a pony.
HINT #158: Gingerbread houses aren't worth the work.
HINT #159: Tollhouse cookies ARE worth the work.
HINT #160: Put plenty of icing on birthday cakes.
HINT #161: Don't tell you helped blow out the candles.
HINT #162: Kids give more gifts than they'll receive.
HINT #163: Kids WILL drink straight from the carton.
HINT #164: Look sad when the snowman melts.
HINT #165: Kids prefer hot dogs to duck a l'orange.
HINT #166: A sense of humor is a necessity.
HINT #167: They don't call it women's intuition for nothing.
HINT #168: Insist on short-haired dogs.
HINT #169: Coax the cat out of the tree.
HINT #170: For the last time, a pony is out!
HINT #171: Sew name tags in their underwear.
HINT #172: Be a den mother.
HINT #173: Let your daughter have a training bra.
HINT #174: Buy your share of EXPENSIVE Girl Scout cookies
HINT #175: Cultivate the art of napping.
HINT #176: Washable markers aren't.
HINT #177: Help build a sandcastle.
HINT #178: Let them make a fort out of boxes.
HINT #179: Piano lessons aren't for everyone.
HINT #180: Tell Dad to share the toy trains.
HINT #181: Tell your daughter she CAN be a fire fighter.
HINT #182: Host a slumber party.
HINT #183: Don't hover.
HINT #184: Childhood doesn't go as fast as they say.
HINT #185: Don't make your twelve-year-old shop for underwear.
HINT #186: Take snapshots on the first day of school.
HINT #187: Help carve a pumpkin.
HINT #188: Sail paper airplanes.
HINT #189: Teach them to whistle.
HINT #190: Volunteer for class trips.
HINT #191: Join the PTA.
HINT #192: Don't panic.
HINT #193: Hunt for four-leaf clovers.
HINT #194: Befriend other mothers.
HINT #195: Don't let kids record answering machine messages.
HINT #196: Scotchguard everything.
HINT #197: There's a little Martha Stewart in all of us.
HINT #198: Never use the check-out with the candy display.
HINT #199: All car trip diversions last three minutes.
HINT #200: Snowsuits induce the desire to go to the bathroom.
HINT #201: Let them eat Oreos inside-out.
HINT #202: Be ready when kids ask "What were the Beatles?".
HINT #203: You did SO do that at their ages.
HINT #204: The more solemn the moment, the louder they cry.
HINT #205: Kids get dirty quicker on more important occasions.
HINT #206: Don't take kids grocery shopping on empty stomachs.
HINT #207: Forget your moral objections to pacifiers.
HINT #208: Forbidden junk food will be eaten at neighbor's house.
HINT #209: Prohibited TV shows will be watched at neighbor's home.
HINT #210: Tell know-it-alls: Mind your own business.
HINT #211: Put a lock on your bedroom door.
HINT #212: Trust your instincts.
HINT #213: Occasionally you WILL use the TV as a babysitter.
HINT #214: If they won't clean their plates, use smaller plates.
HINT #215: Pack school lunches with good trading items.
HINT #216: There's a lot of wisdom in MAD magazine.
HINT #217: Don't flush the fish.
HINT #218: Let them eat cake.
HINT #219: Let them eat animal crackers.
HINT #220: Keep smiling.
HINT #221: There's no escaping car pools.
HINT #222: Yes, they'll need braces.
HINT #223: Yes, they'll need stitches.
HINT #224: Guilt is an art form.
HINT #225: Curfews are made to be broken.
HINT #226: Dry their tears.
HINT #227: Play Name the State Capitals.
HINT #228: Teach them to read maps.
HINT #229: Do a jigsaw puzzle together.
HINT #230: Ask only that they try their best.
HINT #231: Your son's wife will not be pretty enough.
HINT #232: Your daughter's husband will not earn enough.
HINT #233: When they have kids, they'll REALLY appreciate you.
HINT #234: Grandchildren are for spoiling.
HINT #235: Transfer old home movies to video.
HINT #236: Make lemonade from real lemons.
HINT #237: It's your duty to brag.
HINT #238: Point out that your granddaughter has your eyes.
HINT #239: Be sure to mention that your grandson has your smile.
HINT #240: Let your daughter think she's a better mother than you.
HINT #241: When daughter's in labor don't say "Now you know.".
HINT #242: Teenage daughters are hazardous to your health.
HINT #243: Teenage sons are hazardous to their own health.
HINT #244: How long CAN you put off the birds & bees lecture?
HINT #245: How many times can you rewrite your will?
HINT #246: Never buy retail.
HINT #247: Cheer when they get their driver's licenses.
HINT #248: Smile when they squash your Chevy.
HINT #249: Send a care package to college.
HINT #250: Resist the impulse to clean their dorm rooms.
HINT #251: If they become Ivy Leaguers it's because of YOUR genes.
HINT #252: If they're going to State, it's because of Dad's genes.
HINT #253: Teach them to swim early.
HINT #254: Insist on bike helmets.
HINT #255: Learn CPR.
HINT #256: Take them to the circus.
HINT #257: Send an apple for the teacher.
HINT #258: No blue hair.
HINT #259: Remind them when it's your silver anniversary.
HINT #260: Forbid them to put you in a nursing home.
HINT #261: Threaten to haunt them from beyond the grave.
HINT #262: Ask them for advice once in a while.
HINT #263: Look humble when they say "How'd you do it, Mom?"
HINT #264: Pass along your wedding dress to your daughter.
HINT #265: Give Snickers at Halloween.
HINT #266: Remember the names of their stuffed animals.
HINT #267: Watch all the Peanuts TV specials.
HINT #268: Buy industrial-size detergent boxes.
HINT #269: Learn to say "Watch out!" with feeling.
HINT #270: Buy them cool lunch boxes.
HINT #271: Remain calm when you find your son's "Playboy".
HINT #272: Remain calm when you find daughter's birth control.
HINT #273: Your daughter's house will never be as clean as yours.
HINT #274: Dance a tango at your child's wedding.
HINT #275: Reminisce.
HINT #276: Make their Halloween costumes.
HINT #277: Play Scrabble with them.
HINT #278: Play cards with them.
HINT #279: Good news and bad: Anything can be a toy.
HINT #280: Good news and bad: Before you know it, they're walking.
HINT #281: Good news and bad: Before you know it, they're talking.
HINT #282: Good news & bad: Before you know it they're in college.
HINT #283: Keep a first-aid kit handy.
HINT #284: You and Dad need a "Date Night".
HINT #285: Let them make their own sundaes.
HINT #286: Don't show their dates naked baby pictures.
HINT #287: Traditions are important.
HINT #288: Don't forget, each new kid is a tax deduction.
HINT #289: Teach them to love libraries.
HINT #290: Help start a stamp collection.
HINT #291: Give pennies for piggy banks.
HINT #292: Learn to love Trolls.
HINT #293: Pray for a chicken pox vaccine.
HINT #294: Don't insist on combing your daughter's hair in public.
HINT #295: Try to get some breakfast in them.
HINT #296: Ice cream still solves most problems.
HINT #297: You can't praise a kid too much.
HINT #298: Buy them a good dictionary.
HINT #299: Let them have an aquarium.
HINT #300: Shiny thing in driveway is your kid's new retainer.
HINT #301: Always look before sitting.
HINT #302: Have a snowball fight.
HINT #303: Hold hands while crossing.
HINT #304: Let them visit where you work.
HINT #305: No matter what, they'll bring home colds from school.
HINT #306: Remember what happened to Joan Crawford.
HINT #307: Don't weep when the school bus takes them away.
HINT #308: Attend school plays.
HINT #309: Don't yell at Little League umpires.
HINT #310: Junior High is traumatic.
HINT #311: Everyone tries to get out of gym class.
HINT #312: Before disciplining -- decompress.
HINT #313: They'll outgrow their shoes before the laces get dirty.
HINT #314: Let them play dress up.
HINT #315: Learn to throw a baseball.
HINT #316: Learn to catch a boomerang.
HINT #317: If they created it at camp, put it on display.
HINT #318: Food fights happen.
HINT #319: Get washable wallpaper.
HINT #320: Don't let them call you by your first name.
HINT #321: They DO look cutest when they're sleeping.
HINT #322: Tell ghost stories.
HINT #323: Kids love antiheroes.
HINT #324: Remember how your mother felt about Mick Jagger.
HINT #325: Celebrate Velcro!
HINT #326: Record their singing.
HINT #327: She's all grown up when she stretches your sweater.
HINT #328: You know your son's grown up when he blushes.
HINT #329: Hang a tire swing.
HINT #330: They'll eat paper and dirt and survive.
HINT #331: If all else fails, take them to the video arcade.
HINT #332: Let them get their ears pierced.
HINT #333: Monster truck rallies can be educational.
HINT #334: Let them play cowboy.
HINT #335: Discourage them from tying up the babysitter.
HINT #336: Don't hold up other people's children as role models.
HINT #337: When they fall asleep in the stroller, don't move them.
HINT #338: Show them photos of yourself as a child.
HINT #339: Let's hear it for stereo headphones.
HINT #340: Cartoons are a good way to learn classical music.
HINT #341: Don't kiss teens in front of their friends.
HINT #342: No credit cards until they graduate.
HINT #343: Check before believing Dad said it was okay.
HINT #344: Murphy's Law is true.
HINT #345: Feel free to remind them of your labor pains.
HINT #346: Sometimes you'll have to tell little white lies.
HINT #347: Remember that you used Cliff Notes too.
HINT #348: At least comic books mean they're reading.
HINT #349: Disposable diapers are worth the guilt.
HINT #350: Don't buy infant clothes without snaps.
HINT #351: Clothes that fit just right are too small.
HINT #352: Everybody's a critic.




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