25 More Rules For Women

  1. SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a
     great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to
     your sister.

  2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact,
     constitute going out to dinner.

  3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like
     all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the
     Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.

  4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?

  5. Butthead is the smart one.

  6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?

  7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.

  8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about
     "us" and "the relationship."

  9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work,
     the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.

 10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are,
     watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and
     picking out the beer.

 11. Socks never work as a gift.

 12. Department stores and malls were designed so that when you
     want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags,
     there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment

 13. We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask.

 14. We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why
     this happens.

 15. Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act.

 16. Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good
     sense to do "Sirens" rather than "Waterworld."

 17. Curley is the bald one.

 18. Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in
     favor of yours.

 19. Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan.
     Just accept that.

 20. Its in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz

 21. Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn,
     Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold
     Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know
     what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or
     your mother are up to.

 22. Making love on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours
     of conversation afterward is not.

 23. Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to
     a ball game are even better.

 24. No, you can't have the remote control.

 25. If you must take us with you into Victoria's Secret, never,
     ever leave us alone. All the old fat ladies make mean faces
     at us and only add to our discomfort.

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