The Top 16 Signs Your Date's Not an English Major

	16> She thinks Jack London is a character on General Hospital.  

	15> Has legally changed her name to "Slutty Spice."  

	14> Won't stop talking about the time he bit Holyfield's ear.  

	13> Wants to buy the novel of the Mr. Bean movie.  

	12> The two of you constantly argue about which "Homer" came first.

	11> Giggles uncontrollably whenever you bring up "Moby Dick."  

	10> Thinks "Elements of Style" was written by Elsa Klensch.  

	 9> The last time he completed a sentence, he was at Attica.  

	 8> "You gots no condom, you gets no party", was your last clue.

	 7> "Of *course* I've read Walden.  And it only took me 10 minutes
	    to find him!"  
	 6> Ask her to conjugate a verb and she starts talking and belching
	    at the same time.  

	 5> Doesn't have a lot of free weekends due to busy schedule as  
	    NASCAR commentator.  

	 4> Thinks "Beowolf" is a show starring David Hasselhoff.  
	 3> Her favorite poem deals with a man from Nantucket.  
	 2> When you ask him if he has any Grey Poupon, he says, "Hey,  
	    don't be gross!"  

	  and the Number 1 Sign Your Date's Not an English Major...  

	 1> You: "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?"  
	    Her: "Dude!  That would be, like, totally bitchin'!"  

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