Top 16 Reasons to Remain Childless

16) Prove Darwin's theory that "any species' main goal is continued
    existance of the species" is a big crock o' hooey.

15) Don't have to put childproof cap on the bottle of Ripple.

14) Child care facilities sorely lacking at the convent.

13) Street value has dropped since revision of Tax Code.

12) You give birth to them, nurture them, educate them, show them
    the path of righteousness, and then what?  Tattoos, bizarre 
    hair, and a friggin' 11-game suspension!

11) You're married to Maury Povich.

10) You can tickle Elmo all you want!  He's yours, all yours!  

 9) Wild dingos never hang around your campsite.

 8) Childbirth takes the wife out of gainful employment for several 
    weeks, and Kathie Lee won't hire the kid for at least 3 or 
    4 years!

 7) Wiping your own ass every day is traumatic enough, isn't it?

 6) Not only do you *not* have to share your new Star Wars figures,
    you don't have to worry about anyone eating their guns.

 5) Yet *another* change to piss off the Pope.

 4) No guarantee that unborn child won't study science, go insane,
    and create unspeakable vivisected horrors that will rampage 
    across the smoking ruins of our once verdant landscape, slaying
    everyone in their path with gigantic insectoid mandibles.

 3) You can sit in the bathtub without impaling your butt on a Power 

 2) Toys in the limo always getting under supermodels' feet.

    and the Number 1 Reason to Remain Childless...

 1) Save your passenger-side airbag for bumping off short  mother-in-law.

   [ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ]
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