Top Ten Reasons Why Newt Gingrich Should Be Re-Elected Speaker
By David Helvarg; excerpted from The Nation"
10. Proven ability to work both sides of the law without discrimination
or prejudice.
9. Enjoys handling snakes and lizards.
8. Washington won't lose important academic link to Georgia community
colleges.
7. Will not hang around if a political cancer spreads (ask his first
wife).
6. Can increase office's efficiency by hiring Pillsbury Dough Boy as
stand-in for ceremonial occasions.
5. Gives Clinton chance to name nonpartisan special prosecutor --
James Carville.
4. Counters ultra-liberal drumbeat to name poor black woman Speaker.
3. Keeps Damn Yankees out of the line of presidential succession.
2. If politicians who lie are not allowed to serve, next government
shutdown could be permanent.
1. Newt promises new lobbying group -- UNPAC.